Love and Pain lie close together
by Dark Phoenix Rising
Summary: After Jean returns from the dead she is welcomed with fear and hostility by her former friends. Only Logan is on her side who has to deal with a jealous Ororo on his own. Then one day he gets to know about something and has to flee with Jean...Ch 14,15 UP
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** That happens if I can't find any sleep at night. LOL I came up with the idea to this FF since I had hinted in Changes that Storm was secretly in love with Logan. So, I started writing and here it is. Hope you guys like it and please review!!

**Love and Pain lie close together**

6 months had passed since the incidents on Alcatraz and normality was slowly returning to Xavier's school for gifted youngsters. Being the new headmistress, Ororo had some trouble first to get used to her new position and tasks in the school, but with Hank's help and Logan's, after this one had grieved for weeks and even disappeared to return to Canada for three weeks, she was finally getting used to it. Also the older students, like Bobby, Peter, Kitty and Rogue did their best in supporting her as good as they could.

Ororo was also proud that she'd been able to talk Logan into training the X-Men and that by now he was nearly enjoying his task. It had hurt her badly after she'd seen him with Jean's dead body cradled in his arms. It had had such a great impact on him that he hadn't even taken part in the funeral. Instead he'd been strolling around at night and sat next to the gravestone until a new morning arrived. Sometimes she'd joined him and had just sat next to him without saying anything at all. She'd never forget the shock he'd given her when she'd knocked on his room door one day, just to realize that he was gone. It had broken her heart since she'd believed that she'd never see him again. She couldn't even imagine it. By now she was too used to his presence, to him helping her or being there for her when she didn't know how to go on. She couldn't imagine anymore to not having him close by.

Ororo stood at the window in his room and looked out; ignoring that the room was a mess once more. The sky had already darkened and the first stars could be seen. Next to them, the moon that spread its soft light in the garden and over the mansion. She couldn't tell why she was waiting for him at all, but her heart skipped a beat when she saw him coming out of the wood and towards the mansion. The woman smiled softly by the sight of him. She knew they'd grown closer in the past months. She also couldn't deny it that she felt a lot more for him than she showed openly to him or others. But the last night, when she'd been unable to sleep once more and had the time to think, had helped her to find an answer. Ororo wrapped her arms around herself while she waited and heaved a deep breath. She'd always felt attracted to him in some way. First she hadn't realized it, but after he'd left for Alkali Lake to find out about his past, she'd noticed that she'd missed him a lot. The more she'd waited and hoped for him to come back, the happier she'd been after he'd stepped through the front door again. She smiled as she remembered that she'd even ran down the corridor after she'd heard the Harley on the outside. But the happier she'd been, the more it had hurt her to see that he'd completely forgotten about her as soon as a particular redhead had said "Hi Logan!" from the staircase.

Not that Ororo hadn't been aware of his attraction to Jean… He'd made clear enough that he'd loved her no matter if she'd been spoken for. But still, she couldn't forget the feeling when her heart had contracted painfully in her chest. She was never lucky with men. Not as Jean. She'd always envied the redhead about that. Jean entered a room and Ororo was practically invisible. It still angered her that her former best friend, who'd taken away the man that had been like a father for her and the man that had been her brother for years, had practically played with Logan's attraction to her. She'd seen him kissing her at the Blackbird back then, had taken notice of his hurt look after she'd pulled away and had left him standing there like a dog in the rain. Ororo couldn't understand how Jean could stick with Scott when she could have someone like Logan instead…

Startling as the door opened behind her and woke her from her daydreams, Ororo turned around and heard the door closing again. "What are you doin' here?" a deep and gruff voice asked her surprised and he stepped into the soft light of the moon; causing her heart to skip a beat again. "Somethin' wrong?" he asked concerned and buried his hands into his jeans pockets.

"No," she replied smiling and met his dark eyes that appeared to be rather black than hazel right now.

Nodding, Logan went over to a stool and put his leather jacket over it. "Don't like the view you have out of your room then?"

Noticing that he referred to her still standing at his window, she blushed slightly but managed a smile. "No, it's just…," she began and her heart was nearly breaking her chest when he stopped in front of her again, a concerned look mirrored on his face.

"What?"

Not knowing what to say, Ororo couldn't take her eyes of him and noticed that her breathing became harder. "I just…," she stuttered again when he chuckled and came even closer.

"Lost your ability to speak?" he asked when she suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Being surprised first, Logan remained frozen on the spot, but suddenly began to kiss her back. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, pushed his tongue into her mouth to caress her lips and tongue, while she moaned softly. His senses immediately kicked into high gear, focused instantly on her and the rapid changes in her body. He'd never smelled another man on her, he himself hadn't even touched a woman at all during his time at the mansion. Except one…, he recalled briefly.

Enjoying what his lips and tongue already did to her, Ororo pulled his red flannel shirt over his broad shoulders and let her shaking fingers slip under his wife-beater. She gasped a she touched his strong muscles for the first time, letting out another moan when he bit softly into her neck and cupped one of her breasts. With her eyes closed she began to unzip his jeans; her shirt and bra already forgotten in a corner when her hand had reached into his jeans. Her eyes grew wide in surprise because of what she could feel. The tight fitting jeans he always wore, hadn't fooled her about its content at all. Nevertheless, it only made her more nervous. While she laid down on his bed, arching her back briefly when her heated skin touched the cold sheets, he began to kiss his way downwards. Teasing her breasts and navel on his way before he made her arch up once more; a loud moan left her mouth in pleasure. "God, Logan…," Ororo gasped and began to pant while her tension began to build up constantly by what he was doing to her. Her hand reached out, one entwined in his thick dark hair, the other stroking down his back as he evaded her mouth hungrily again. She kissed him back passionately, fought with his tongue for dominance…unable to locate his hands on her heated body. She smiled triumphantly when she was finally able to roll him over. Quickly, Ororo got rid of his jeans, not being surprised that he wasn't one for underwear. She gasped once more by the sight of him, feeling nervous and turned on at the same time. She knew she would never forget what he'd feel like. No other man, not even the few nights she'd spent with Kurt were a match to what Logan could offer her alone by seeing his throbbing member. With delighted pupils in heat, she bent down again, kissing him deeply and hungrily before she began to kiss and rub her way downwards. She heard him suppressing a moan as she took him into her mouth for a brief moment, before she straddled him panting heavily. Ororo smiled down on him, ran a hand over her curves and bit her lip as her hand cupped him gently to guide him. She had to close her eyes firmly when she could feel his head at her opening, as he suddenly grabbed her hips to make her stop.

Confusion was clearly written on her face as she met his gaze. "What…what's wrong?" Ororo asked him and felt how all the tension left him at once. She watched how he pulled her off of him to sit down on the edge of the bed and run a hand through his sweaty face and hair; keeping his head lowered. She didn't know what to make out of his behavior or the situation. Worriedly, she moved closer and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Logan, what's wrong?" she asked again and he shook his head.

"I can't…," was all he said and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry, 'Ro, but I can't…"

"Why?" she only demanded to know and furrowed her brows, when a thought crossed her mind. "Is it…because of me?" She watched how he cocked an eyebrow at her. "It's me, right?" Ororo said knowingly while she knelt next to him and lowered her head with a sad smile. "Of course it's me… How could I even think that a man like you would be satisfied with someone like me…"

"What are ya talking about?" Logan asked her and let his hands slowly sink when he furrowed his brows.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I've seen how women look at you, Logan," she said and heaved a deep breath to hide her disappointment. "You can chose with whom of them you want to sleep, so why should you care about someone like me?"

He let out a snort in disbelief. "That's bullshit, 'Ro!"

"What is it then if it wasn't me who turned you off all of a sudden?" she asked despaired and looked at him again, but he turned his head away.

"I just can't, okay?" he grunted once more. "It had nothin' to do with ya…"

"Logan she's dead!" Ororo groaned and shook her head when she figured out the problem. "She won't come back! Do you want to live alone for the rest of your life and go on punishing yourself for what had happened?" She ignored the grim look he gave her. "Jean and you… There never was something for real. Why can't you just move on and let her go?"

"Because I love her!" Logan growled and grabbed her clothes from the ground angrily.

"She's dead, Logan!" Ororo said again. "You could have so many other women on your side and be happy, don't you realize that?"

He gave her a cynical smirk. "Who? You?" he asked and watched how she crossed her arms with an angry look on her face.

"Yes, me," she replied. "You don't realize it, do you?"

Sighing he sat down on the bed again with her clothes in his hands. "I've heightened senses, 'Ro. You don't really wanna know what they told me about you in the past weeks…"

"And?" the woman asked despaired with tears in her eyes. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?" she asked but didn't receive an answer. "I love you Logan! So how can you do this to me first and just leave me hanging?" she added crying and looked away.

"Would you've liked it more if we did it and I'd told you that I didn't think about you during it and that it won't happen again?" Logan asked her seriously. "I can't give you what you want, 'Ro and I said that I was sorry. I can't pretend to feel the same things for you than you feel for me…" Watching her when she turned her tear-stained face to him again, he reached out to touch her cheek as she evaded his touch quickly.

"No, don't even dare to touch me now!" Ororo sobbed and heard him sighing. "You could have said it right at the beginning, Logan! You could have just said that you don't want me and it would have been okay. But going that far and just push me away… Do you even know how much that hurts?" she asked him crying aloud and sobbed again when he handed her her clothes.

"Please go," was all he said and he didn't have to tell her twice. She quickly dressed again and headed for the door. "You knew how I feel, 'Ro. You knew it before and I can't do more than tell ya that I'm sorry," Logan said calmly before she left his room. Hearing how she ran down the corridor sobbing aloud, he sighed and ran a hand through his face. Sitting there for a while, his eyes were fixed on the moon on the outside and he stepped towards the window to look on a particular gravestone. "Why are ya doin' this to me, Jeannie?" he mumbled under a sigh and went back to bed; laying down in hope to find any sleep that night.

Only few hours later, he was already too far gone to notice that one gravestone began to split into two…

**So, what do you think? I know it's different from what I've written so far, but well…blame my sleepless night for it. LOL Please review! ; )**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Okay, actually this one was really a one-shot, but since some of you wanted to see a second part: Here it is. ; )

**Love and Pain lie close together**

He dreamed again. Dreamed of the fire, of the heat. Dreamed how everything was destroyed in a rush, how water rose to heaven. He heard people screaming in fear and agitation. Then he saw himself approaching her, saw how she unleashed her wrath against him, too. Somehow he felt disgusted when he watched how his healing factor knitted the wounds her attacks left back together. He wanted to close his eyes, but he couldn't. Nevertheless, he didn't want to see it, didn't want to hear her begging him again, or how he confessed what he felt for so long. But then she said it, then he said it and then there was the sound again he's become too used of in his life…

But somehow it was different this time. There was a voice calling his name… The voice became louder and louder, demanding something of him he couldn't really understand. Not being able to help it, he sat up in a rush and popped his claws; thinking that he was in some kind of danger when he took notice of Rogue's terrified face.

"Jesus, kid!" Logan gasped and sheathed his claws again. "What are ya doin' here?"

"You need to come outside!" the girl said and he noticed for the first time that she was crying. "please, Logan, you need to come outside now!"

Frowning he closed his eyes and shook his head, her words being a complete riddle fir him. "Why do ya want me to come outside in the middle of the night, kid?"

Rogue came a bit closer, tucking at his sheet with eyes that mirrored pure fear and horror. "They're gonna kill her! Please, Logan you've to do something!"

Suddenly he turned his head when his ears picked up noises on the outside. He heard Ororo yelling. Something he had never thought she was capable of. Then there was something else of which he couldn't tell why it bothered him. But his heart kicked and senses kicked into high gear all of a sudden. Something that only happened if there was real danger. Not thinking about it, he jumped out of bed and to the window; making Rogue blush and gasp at the same time as she noticed that he was completely naked. She couldn't help but stare at him while her heard began to race horribly. "What's goin' on there?" he asked and put his jeans on quickly. Stopping in front of her, he didn't notice her blushing when he pulled the zipper up. "Kid? What happened?" he asked once more and sighed when she didn't give him an answer. Becoming aware of the shouts becoming louder, he just ran down the corridor, downstairs and then out into the garden. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw how some students were gathered at a place near the pond. A deep rumble echoed through the dark sky, followed by lightning and a storm. A clear indication that Ororo was more than angry. He had to yield his eyes when a lightning bolt struck only few meters away from him. It was then that he stopped dead in the track.

He sniffed once, twice, a third and fourth time but still he thought his senses were fooling him. Another bolt struck, accompanied by a scream and he started to run. He didn't care that he pushed some students roughly aside or that few even fell to the ground die to the impact. All he cared about was to find out why his nose played tricks on him al of a sudden. So he ran through them, pushed and pulled until he heard more of Ororo's shouts, saw how Bobby stood there in his ice-form and heard how Hank snarled menacingly low. He didn't understood what had probably caused this turmoil, but another sniff told him that he had to be dreaming. Breathlessly he stopped and came slowly closer. His heart was racing in his chest. With very deep breaths that were supposed to calm him, he approached the scenery slowly and froze instantly when his widened hazel eyes met terrified green ones.

Everything around him suddenly happened in slow motion. He heard his heart beating, heard his heavy breathing while his gaze was fixed on her in shock. He couldn't believe what he saw, thought of her as an imagination that was made up by his mind, when she shrieked in fear as another bolt struck right next to her. In an instant he was on her side and popped his claws; his eyes seizing his opposites up for a coffin. He wouldn't let it happen again. Not today, not in the future. He positioned himself in a deep crouch in front of her and growled.

"What are you doing?" Hank demanded to know angrily. "Get aside!"

"Dammit, Logan!" Ororo cursed, but gave the others a sign to stop their attacks. She watched how he retracted his claws and pulled the crying woman up into his arms, felt how she clung to him sobbing and quivering. Ororo watched him retreating with narrowed eyes. "Could you think with your brain only once when she's around?" she yelled at him. "You're protecting a murderer, Logan!"

"Who was itching to be fucked by a murderer only hours ago, Storm?" he barked back and saw the shocked and hurt expression on her face, but he didn't stop walking back to the mansion.

"You're not taking her inside!" Hank shouted but he could only snort.

"Try to stop me…," he grunted. Not saying anything else he carried her up to her old room and laid her down on the bed, where she pulled her legs close crying. All he could do was staring at her in shock. Even if had touched her only minutes ago, had noticed that she was real, his mind still had trouble to realize and accept it. He only stood next to the bed, didn't move, wouldn't even be breathing if his body didn't do it automatically for him. He knew he should say something. But what? Then she turned her head to him in the dark. He could tell that she only saw his silhouette against the window, but not him completely as he could see her. He hesitated for a moment when she asked him to leave her alone, that she needed to assimilate everything by herself. But finally he nodded. He closed the door behind him and sat down in front of it. He wouldn't sleep that night, maybe not for a few days. All he would do was sit here in front of the door and male sure that she was safe.

And Logan kept his promise. He remained one whole day on the same spot. Those who looked too long at him or the door received a growl or even his claws as a warning, but he remained where he was. He'd first thought Ororo or Hank would dare to show up, but they didn't. He couldn't care less. He waited for any sign of her from within, but there was none. Finally he dared to knock on her door, asked her if she wanted to eat something but she only said no. One night she had told him to go back to his room and sleep. That she would be fine and would call for him if she needed help. He didn't want to but did it in the end.

Now it was night again and Logan laid, with his hands behind his head, awake on his bed. For hours he didn't do anything else than staring at the ceiling in the dark. His senses were focused on a particular room not far away from his own and he waited for the tiniest sign of her. There were so many things he wanted o ask and tell her. He needed to know why she was back, needed to tell her that he was sorry for killing her, that he felt guilty and miserable because of it, that he'd kept on asking himself if it had been his fault, if there had been anything that would have saved her…

He switched his head alarmed to the door when it was opened slowly. In a rush he sat up and sniffed. Surprised he switched the lamp on that stood on his bedside table and looked at her. He thought his heart would stop beating. He'd never seen her being so sad, frightened, tired and pale. The sight of her made his blood freezing inside of his veins.

"Did I…did I wake you?" she asked insecurely but he shook his head.

"Couldn't sleep?" Logan asked calmly and moved aside a bit so that she could sit down in the edge. He noticed that she was still wearing the red outfit she'd worn on Alcatraz. He cursed Storm for not having changed it before they'd buried her.

"No, I'm afraid to sleep," she admitted and bit her lip in shame.

He understood that this wasn't the powerful mutant in front of him, but the woman she'd been before. The woman who was shy and afraid of things. "Why didn't you change your clothes?" he asked, knowing that this was probably the most stupidest question he could've come up with.

She shrugged. "Mine were gone…"

"Right," he nodded and remembered that Ororo had put them away. "Look, you take a shower and I find something for you to wear, okay?" He swallowed briefly when her eyes met his. "You can use my things. Be right back." He grabbed his jeans from the ground and pulled them in while his waist was thankfully covered by the sheets. He left the room and made sure that no one was around before he left. He remembered that Ororo had taken hers and Scott's clothes to the attic, so he went there. Thanks to his nose he was able to find the box quickly. Not looking too closely at what he found in it, he grabbed the first things he could find and went back. He stopped briefly at the kitchen and filled a tray with food and drinks, before he went back to his room again.

She looked up with big eyes when he placed the things he'd gotten onto the bed. One hand pushed the wet hair behind her ear while the other held the towel tight that she'd wrapped her body into after the shower. Her eyes looked through her old clothes and then up to him again. Frowning first, he understood what she meant. "I know they don't smell so good anymore," Logan shrugged, put the tray on the bedside table and went over to a drawer to pull one of his shirts and boxers out of it. "You can wear them. We can wash your stuff tomorrow." She nodded and went back into the bathroom while he grabbed another pair of boxers out of the drawer. After he'd gotten rid of his jeans and had put the black boxers on, he laid her clothes on the ground next to the bed. He couldn't hide a smile when he saw her in his clothes. "Wanna eat somethin'?" he asked and nodded at the tray, but she shook her head. "Ya should eat something, ya know." She nodded and briefly sipped on the water he'd brought. Once more he noticed how tired and exhausted she looked. "Look, ya can sleep here," he offered her and saw her insecure look. "I promise I won't touch ya, take advantage of ya or do anything else ya don't want, okay? But ya really need to sleep. I can also sleep in the floor and ya can have the bed, if ya feel more comfortable that way…"

"No, I don't want you to sleep on the ground. I'm fine with it…"

He nodded ad watched how she laid down and pulled the sheets over her body. "Wake me if you need anything," he said and switched the lights off. His focus was fixed on her breathing and heartbeat. He needed to make sure that she was sleeping before he would allow himself to drift off to sleep. Moving onto his right side, he watched her briefly in the dark before he closed his eyes. There were still so many things going on in his head that he was convinced he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. He heard her moving and opened his eyes in surprise when she cuddled up to him. Smiling for the first time in months, he wrapped his arms around her protectively and closed his eyes again; feeling at peace and happy after months of pure torture and loneliness. Sighing he inhaled her scent deeply, memorized it anew, before he buried his face in her hair. "I missed ya so much, Jeannie," Logan mumbled softly and followed her into sleep.

**So, here is the second part, I hope you guys liked it. ; ) And yes: Actually it really was a one-part story only. LOL I did it for you, guys. ; ) Do you still want more, then just let me know and I come up with something. Or actually…I already have thought about a plot. LOL Please review and let me think if you want more or not! See ya!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Love and Pain lie close together**

When he woke up again it was still night. First, Logan had thought that he'd only fallen asleep for a few minutes. But one look at his watch told him that he'd obviously slept through the whole day. One look to the right was enough to figure out that the redhead was still sleeping, too. He smiled softly before he got carefully up to use the bathroom. Sleeping for so long without having eaten anything at all earlier he felt how his stomach began to protest now. He made sure that's he was really still asleep before he left the room and made his way to the kitchen. Just as he'd reached the lower level, he could already hear Ororo and Hank talking in the former office of the Professor. Frowning he stopped and leant back against the wall with his arms crossed. Even if he hated eavesdropping, he'd heard the mentioning of a specific name and needed to know more now. But what he heard made him the more furious…

"I know she's dangerous, Hank," Ororo said and walked back to the window with her arms folded in front of her chest. "But…don't you think that goes a bit too far?"

He shook his head and leant back in the sofa, one arms hanging over the armrest. "You know the law, Ororo. The President had made it after Alcatraz to make sure that no one can be harmed by mutants who cannot control their powers," Hank replied with a look at her. "I have made a vow. I cannot hold back the news to him…"

"But putting her into that prison…," she gave back and sighed. "Logan will be on your throat of you do that!"

"You shouldn't care about what he thinks or feels so much, Ororo!" he scolded her. "Think about the school and students and about the danger they are in with her being back!"

She shook her head and heaved a deep sigh before she ran a hand through her face. "We can't lose Logan, too. He's important for the team, he…"

"You mean to you," Hank corrected her and made her look down quickly. "Ororo, this is not about your feelings for him. But keeping her a secret will have the consequence that the school will be closed and we'll be probably imprisoned, too, because we didn't tell them about it."

Thinking about it Ororo sighed and nodded finally. "When will you make the call then?"

"After breakfast tomorrow. I need something to eat now," he said and got up. "What about you?"

She shrugged and followed him to the kitchen. "I could need a drink…" Ororo immediately stopped after she realized that someone else was already in there. She remembered the words he'd barked into her direction, recalled the determined look of him when he's stepped in front of _her_, the look which had told her immediately _touch her and you're dead!_. She felt how her heart contracted painfully at the same time as a strong feeling of jealousy emerged within her, when she took notice of his look. Logan only gave her and Hank a scornful look and chewed a sandwich he'd found in the fridge. "You left her alone?" she asked him with a chilly undertone, but only received another cold look from him. "She's just back and has you already wrapped you around her little finger, hm?" Shaking her head, she took a soda out of the fridge and handed Hank a plate with sandwiches.

"Logan you know that she's dangerous," the mutant began and gave the woman a thankful nod. "Her powers are instable. She can lose control any minute and you've seen hoe destructive her powers are."

Ororo watched Logan closely and saw the look he gave Hank. A look that instantly told her that he didn't give a shit on what they told him. And it only angered her more. "You don't care, huh?" she asked him and crossed her arms while she leant against the counter opposite him. Her eyes traveled down his bare chest to his boxers. "She's sleeping in your room, isn't she?" she asked him cynically. "Of course she is. How smart of her to stay with the man whose brain is in his lower body parts when she's around."

"Ororo," Hank intervened but she only cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What? It's the truth!" Ororo gave back and heard how Logan put the empty tray very slowly aside. "Frustrating, isn't it?" she asked him and sipped on her soda. "She's so close…and still you can't jump her bones even with Scott gone…" Shrieking, Ororo hit the counter with her back hard when he'd suddenly made a move and had grabbed the can in her hand roughly. She heard how Hank jumped quickly off his stool to help her, but still all she could do was stare into the face of her opposite with widened eyes. Her heart was in her mouth and she instantly began to shiver when he came slowly closer and pressed her even more against the hard counter.

"Logan, let her go!" Hank demanded and grabbed his shoulder roughly, but the man still stared at the woman in front of him full of hatred.

"You know what, Storm?" he asked her through gritted teeth and held her wrist in a painful firm grip; not caring that she whimpered. "You're only pissed because I didn't fuck ya as ya wanted it so badly. And now guess what? I had her the whole day through and she was so fucking good. Much better even with the foreplay than a tramp like ya could ever be." Roughly he pushed her against the counter once more and left the kitchen, just to start running soon afterwards, while he heard how Ororo began to cry heartrendingly and Hank tried to soothe her. He didn't care about what Hank used for words to refer to him. All he cared about now was to get back to his room as fast as he could. When he reached it, he made sure that no one else was close by before he went over to the bed and switched the small lamp on. He looked down on the woman that meant the world to him and recalled the conversation between Ororo and Hank he'd overheard before. He knew that prison Hank had talked about. He'd seen it on television, had heard the stories about it and he would be damned if he'd let them take her away. Logan sat down on the edge of the bed and touched her shoulder gently. "Jean?" he asked her and began to shake her until she pulled a face. "Jean, wake up! I need ya to wake up!"

She opened her eyes a bit and looked at him tiredly. "What's wrong?" she mumbled with a frown.

"Do ya trust me?"

Hearing it, she became even more confused and sat up a bit. "What ?"

"Do ya trust me?" he asked her again with an urgent undertone in his voice.

"Sure," Jean nodded and watched how he walked over to his wardrobe and pulled a bag out of it.

"Then get dressed and help me get our things together!" he demanded and pulled his jeans on.

"Logan…what's wrong?" she asked him and shook her head, since she didn't understand what was wrong all of a sudden.

"Just do as I said," Logan gave back and pulled a black shirt and grayish sweatshirt over his head, before he grabbed his leather jacket and began to put the rest into his bag. "I need to get ya outta here now. So get dressed!"

Still not understanding at all why he was so different suddenly, she pulled a jeans and shirt in that she'd found in the pile of her clothes next to the bed. He came over to her after he'd left the bathroom and told her to go on packing while he would get the rest of her things from the attic. She did as she was told and waited for his return, which was only a few minutes later. He handed her another bag and took his into his hand, before he put the rest of his personal things out of the bedside table and into his bag. Frowning, the redhead watched how he used his claws to open a small shaft in a corner of the room. He pulled a rectangular, shiny, metallic box out of it and it also disappeared into his bag. "Come on," Logan said and took her hand after he'd switched the lights off. He opened the door calmly and made sure no one was close by before he closed the door again. As silently and fast as he could, he led her down to the garages and took Scott's Harley. Jean still frowned and looked insecure and frightened when she followed him through the dark up the driveway and few meters down the street. "Put that one," he told her and handed her a black helmet. Clumsily, she obeyed and sat down behind him.

"Logan, why are we doing this?" Jean asked and looked back at the mansion through the visor, when he turned around briefly.

"You're not safe here anymore," Logan grunted and started the engine. "Hold on to me. We've to be gone before the Furball gets his hands on a phone…" He waited for her to do so and drove off.

"Hank!" Ororo called and ran down the staircase towards the office.

Alarmed the mutant came out of it with his cell phone in his hand. "What's wrong?"

She stopped breathlessly and with widened eyes in front of him. "They're gone!"

"What?!" he asked in disbelief and his jaw dropped. "What do you mean…_gone_?"

"He must have taken her away. His clothes are gone and I checked the attic. Jean's stuff is gone, too," she explained and ran a hand through her face.

"He must have heard us…," Hank mumbled.

"You mean he heard about the prison?"

"Yes. Why else would he take her away…," he said and stared at the phone. "Where would he take her to? Do you have any idea?"

Thinking, she shook her head. "Canada, I think… But don't ask me where precisely. All we know about him is that he's Canadian, but not if he has a home somewhere up there."

"Dammit!" Hank cursed and ran a hand through his fur. "I already made the call. But if he really is in Canada… We won't be able to get a hold onto them."

"Why?" Ororo asked him with a frown.

"First, because he's Canadian and the law is U.S. law, second, because Jean dies and doesn't exist anymore. And besides… Where do you want us to start looking? He could be anywhere…" Nodding when she understood what he meant, she turned around and stared at the door when someone rang at the door. Hank gave her a grim look. "There they are…"

"What will they do?" Ororo asked him concerned and followed him towards it. "Hank, what will they do? They know how powerful Jean is…"

He grabbed the doorknob with an indefinable look in his eyes and turned his head towards her. "Probably an illegal manhunt…," he replied honestly and her eyes widened.

"Manhunt?" she repeated the word in disbelief. "You mean…hunting them down and killing them?" Ororo asked in shock, but didn't receive an answer from him when he opened the door…

Far away and in the mountains, Logan opened the door to a cabin and beckoned her to come inside quickly. He pulled the soaked hood from his head and instantly walked over to the stove to light a fire. "Change your clothes. I'll get a blanket soon," he said and dropped his bag next to a table on the ground. Jean went over to the window, shivering due to the coldness, and watched the snowstorm on the outside. "Jean," she heard him saying and turned her head to him, seeing how he nodded at her bag that she still carried on her back. "You'll get sick…"

Nodding, she looked around, searching for a spot to change into dry clothes. "The bedroom's on your right," Logan told her and went over to the front door to lock it. "Are ya hungry?"

"Yeah." She nodded and heard him saying that he would heat a soup while she changed. Jean went over to the room to her right and closed the door behind her. The only source of light was an oil lamp on the bedside table, but the light from the outside was still enough to give her a good overview. She dropped the bag on the ground while she looked around curiously and began to undress herself slowly. The room only consisted of a wooden double bed with a bedside table, a sparsely wooden wardrobe to her left and another door that would probably lead to a bathroom. Without her clothes on, she felt how cold it actually was. One look into her bag was enough to notice that the long march through the storm had also soaked her clothes inside of it. Sighing, Jean looked around and finally went over to the wardrobe. Even if it had only been a guess of her that the cabin was Logan's, the interior of the object in front of her confirmed it. She searched briefly through his clothes and grabbed a black sweat pant and a light grayish sweatshirt out of it; ignoring that the clothes smelled of wood. Afterwards, she opened the door next to the wardrobe and noticed that she'd been right before. It was a bathroom.

Logan looked up and frowned when she came back after a while. "Your clothes were soaked?" he asked and received a nod from her.

"I put them into the bathroom," Jean said calmly and looked around the room. "It's yours, isn't it?"

Nodding he got up. "Yeah… Sit down."

Doing so, she watched hoe he placed two cups with hot chicken soup in front of her. She enjoyed the warm feeling when her cold hands touched it. "What are we doing here, Logan?" she asked him after a while and made him look up. "Why wasn't I save at the mansion anymore?"

Sighing, he put the cup down and stared at it. "Some things have changed after Alcatraz, Jean," Logan began. "The government has passed a law which says that every mutant who can't control his power has to be imprisoned in a special military facility."

"But…I…I don't have any problem with my powers," she said and furrowed her brows. "Not as I had back then…"

"Tell that the Furball and your so called _best_ friend," he replied grimly. "He wanted to call the authorities, so I had to get ya outta there, Jean. I've heard what those bastards did to some mutants… The strange thin' about that prison is that it's supposed to help mutants to learn to control their powers… But approximately 90 of them end up in body bags."

Jean's head shot up and she stared at him in shock. "They kill them?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. But I couldn't let it happen to ya…"

Putting the cup down, the redhead stared at it for a while, thinking about her former home and that people she thought she could trust had betrayed and attacked her. "Why do you help after everything I've done?" Jean asked him calmly and met his gaze briefly, but Logan got up and swallowed the rest of his soup before he put the cup into the sink.

"Ya know why," was all he said and opened a wardrobe next to him. "I'll go and change the sheets. Blankets are in here."

Watching him disappearing into the bedroom, Jean thought about his answer for a moment. She knew why… All she knew was that he was probably the only friend that she still had after everything that had happened. She couldn't even remember completely what exactly had happened. Getting up, she walked over to the window. She reached out and touched the cold glass while she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to drift back…

Jean saw again what had happened. Saw how she lost control, destroyed things around her, destroyed lives…destroyed him. But no, she couldn't destroy him. His powers kept on healing the wounds she left on his body. She watched him fighting his way to her, felt how she became proud of him, how the animal in her realized that he was an equal and worthy partner to her. As destructive and lethal as she was, with the same fire and passion hidden underneath. She watched how he stopped in front of her, felt how her beast became angry when she managed to come to the surface for a brief moment. It broke her heart to look into his eyes that were so full of sorrow and grief, since he knew what needed to be done. That he couldn't stop it anymore. But she couldn't understand what he said, she only felt how his claws went right through her heart. She had thanked him for making it quick, for not letting her suffer. Jean frowned and shook her head. She needed to go back again, she needed to understand what he'd told her before he'd stabbed her. She did it over and over again, not realizing that he came out of the bedroom and watched her frowning. Again she saw hoe he opened his mouth to speak, she concentrated hard on his voice, heard what he said…

"Jean?" Logan asked and laid a hand on her shoulder. He startled when she let out a surprised shriek and hit the wooden wall with her back. "Jean, are ya alright?" he asked her worriedly, since she stared at him with widened eyes in shock and panted. "Jean?"

Only nodding, the redhead quickly made her way to the bathroom and locked the door. She leant against it, still heaving heavy breaths and closed her eyes while she slowly sank down to the ground. Even if her mind wanted to go back again, she didn't have to. She now knew what had been his last words to her before she'd to die and she felt terrified…

**Again something I came up with because I went to bed very late this morning. Too late if you ask me, since I had to get up early. LOL Well, thanks for the reviews and that you like it so far! ; ) You can of course always let me know what you'd like to read. If it fits into the story, I'll write it. So, hope you liked this chapter here, too, and that you'll review again. ; ) Se ya!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Love and Pain lie close together**

After she hadn't said one word to him anymore for the rest of the day, they had went to bed and fallen asleep in silence. While she was still sleeping, he'd begun to chop wood on the outside after it had finally stopped snowing. Logan still wondered what she'd thought about the day before that had made her act so strangely.

After an hour on the outside, he made a break and took a look around. The sun had finally broken through the clouds and dipped the landscape into a gleaming even expanse. He closed his eyes briefly to pick up every scent, noise and change in nature with his senses. He heard a rustling in some bushes far away and could hear hoe a rabbit tried to escape from a wolf that was chasing him. He could already tell that the smaller animal would win the fight. Suddenly he turned his head and watched how Jean came out of the door, only with a blanket around her shoulders. He watched how she walked over to a wooden bench that stood on the side of the house and began to wipe away the snow from it. Lost in thought she sipped on the coffee he'd made before and took a closer look at her surroundings. Logan laid the axe aside to watch her for a while. Once more he couldn't believe his luck to have her back, to be able to look and talk to her again. But still, he didn't understood the why or how. A smile occurred on his lips when the sunlight played with her hair and features. It made him realize once more how beautiful she was. While he began to pick up the logs, he thought about the next days. The way back to the next village was a long one. Especially if they needed food, meds or anything else. There was no other way than walking to it. It would also be risky to appear in the city, not knowing if they were looking for tem by now.

With as many logs in his arms as he could carry at once, Logan slowly approached her; noticing that she was obviously too absorb in her own world than to realize him. "Mornin'," he said softly to not startle her again as he'd done yesterday. Nevertheless, she jumped a bit. He nodded at the blanket. "Ain't that a bit too cold?"

Breaking eye contact, Jean looked at the cup in her hands. "No… It's okay…," she replied barely audible.

"I don't want ya to become sick," he said and put the logs onto the pile. "Have ya already eaten somethin'" She shook her head. "I'll just get the rest of the wood. Then we'll eat." She watched how he went to the logs through the thick snow, before she looked around again. Everything around the cabin consisted of snow, trees and mountains. The small lake close by was frozen, too, due to the coldness and she wondered if that part of Canada had ever seen the green of flowers or grass. She startled again a bit when he dropped more logs next to her. While her green eyes looked at him from aside, she noticed for the first time that despite his rough outer appearance, he suddenly looked more relaxed and at peace than ever before. Still, she couldn't forget about what she'd remembered only hours ago. "Daydreamin' again?" she heard him saying with a smirk on his lips and noticed blushing that she'd been staring at him the whole time through. "Come back inside. It's too cold with a blanket only." He held the door open for her and waited for her to walk past him. Logan closed the door and touched her shoulder briefly. "Are ya alright?"

"Yeah," Jean nodded while she looked down, but he touched her chin to make her look up again.

"Somethin's wrong with ya," he said concerned and looked at her closely. "I can tell that somethin's bothering ya, Jean. Come on, what is it?" Pulling the blanket closer, she put the cup on the table, being watched by him. "Look, I've to get down to the next village after breakfast to get some stuff. I need to know that you're fine. That nothin's gonna happen…"

"I'm in control, Logan," Jean said but he shook his head.

"I know that," he replied and put his hands to his hip. "It's just… You're behaving strangely since yesterday. I know the whole situation ain't easy for ya, but…"

"It's not about being here," Jean said calmly and made him frown. "I mean… I still don't know why…why I'm here or how it happened, but…" she went on and felt how tears came up as she remembered how she'd woken up in the garden, not realizing what had happened, when suddenly a lightning bolt had nearly hit her. It still hurt her to know that her best friend hadn't even given her the slightest chance at all to realize everything. It had happened way too fast for her and then even more X-Men and students had come closer with shocked looks on their faces. But also scared ones… She'd been terribly scared while the voice deep within her told her to fight back, but she couldn't. She knew what her powers could do now… And then he'd suddenly been there and had protected her, was ready to attack them just to help her…even after everything she'd done… Not realizing first that she hadn't moved and inch for a while, her head shot up when he touched her cheek gently.

"But what?" Logan asked and his fingers briefly stroked over her skin while his eyes looked into hers softly. "Ya can tell me…" Feeling the same emotions rushing through her body as it had happened before at the Black Bird before she'd sacrificed herself for them, Jean quickly looked down and swallowed hard. It was too easy for him to pick up the changes in her body. Her heart was racing horribly in her chest, telling him that he probably was the reason for her state. So he decided to guess instead. "It's because of me, ain't it?" he asked and saw the surprised look in her eyes. She felt caught. "'Cause I said that I love ya?" Being shocked about how easily he could obviously read her. Not knowing what to say, she only nodded. "I don't expect ya to react to it, Jean," he told her with a shook of his head. "Ya don't have to say anythin' at all. I needed to tell ya 'cause I thought I'd never see ya again. I'm only glad to have ya back." He smiled a bit before he turned around to make something to eat. "Will ya be alright while I'm gone?"

"How long will it take you?" she asked and came closer to help him but he shrugged.

"If it starts snowing again probably 6 to 8 hours," he replied and searched for something to eat. "I'd take ya with me, but they might be looking for us…"

"I'll be fine," Jean assured him and received a smile. "How do I heat the water by the way if I want to take a bath or shower?"

He pointed at a hot-water tank on the opposite wall. "But it takes about an hour or even two before enough water is heated. If ya want to bath you should take care of the water right after you get up." Frowning, she walked over to it. "I already turned it on for you after I took a shower in the morning."

"You showered with cold water?" Jean asked him and raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

Chuckling, he put two plates on the table. "I'm Canadian, Jean. I'd go swimming if the damn lake wasn't frozen." The shudder than ran through her body made him laugh. "What? It's great. Ya should try it yourself."

"No, thanks!" she waved off. "I'll go and shower then, okay?"

"Sure," he nodded and went on cooking.

After they'd eaten breakfast, he'd gotten ready for the long march to the next village. Watching him shouldering his and her backpack, she gave him a slightly scared look. "Be careful, okay?"

He smirked and nodded. "Be careful yourself. Lock the door while I'm gone." She nodded and gave him a brief hug. "I'll be back as soon as I can." Looking at her once more, he turned around and walked away while Jean waited as long at the door as she was able to see him. She couldn't hide that it scared her to know that she was alone while he was gone for a few hours. Her eyes switched to the clock on the wall. It was 9:30 now and if he was right then he wouldn't be back before 7 or 8 p.m. Sighing, she looked around, thinking about what she could probably do in the meanwhile. First, she put new logs into the stove and stared into it for a moment. The TV as he'd told her wouldn't be of any use before he repaired the aerial. It had surprised her at all that he first, had a TV and second, electricity to make it work. She was glad about it, even if she wasn't one to look TV that much. In that way they weren't too isolated from the rest of the world. After beginning to clean the cabin and washing their clothes, she had found a box with some books in it. She'd never thought of him as a person who actually liked to read them. Especially not classic ones like Shakespeare and Hemingway. Before she sat down with a blanket to read, she turned the hot-water tank on to heat water for him. No matter what he'd told her about liking the cold, she knew that he would be half frozen when he returned.

She sat on the sofa and read while she sipped on a tea from time to time, when she heard a loud bang on the outside. Startling, Jean only calmed down after she'd realized that it had been the shutters. Nevertheless, she suddenly frowned and walked over to the window. She'd been too distracted by the book to realize that there was another snow storm raging on the outside. Her head instantly turned towards the clock and her eyes widened. 11:45 p.m. He was already away for over 14 hours… Feeling how a strange feeling emerged within her, she began to pace at the window nervously and imagined the most horrible scenarios possible. Her inner beast was screaming at her to do something, but she didn't know what. On the one hand she didn't know the area as good as he did, on the other the storm was far too strong for her to cope with. Maybe even for him… The more time passed, the more she became scared for him. The only time she left the window was when she needed to use the bathroom.

When she closed the door of the bathroom again, she stopped briefly, just to quickly ran to the front door to unlock it as it knocked again. With her heart beating triple rhythms in her chest, Jean watched how he quickly closed the heavy door again to stop the snow from coming inside. He dropped the two backpacks, plus two additional ones next to it and pulled the soaked hood from his head.

"Sorry, but the village was cut off. I'd to…," Logan began when she threw herself at him sobbing. "Did somethin' happen?" he immediately asked worriedly when she pulled him closer.

"I thought something happened to you…," she cried and heaved a deep sigh in relief. "You said 6 to 8 hours…"

"I was just about to tell ya," he replied. "You clothes are getting soaked, Jean."

Letting go of him, she ran a hand through her face. "What happened?"

"As I said. The village was cut off due to the snow, so I'd to go to the next one. I'm sorry. I made it as quickly as possible," Logan apologized and immediately felt bad about making her worry so much. He watched how she began to pull on his jacket.

"You need to get out of them. You're freezing cold," she said and walked over to the stove. "I heated water for you and make a tea while you shower."

Smiling, he got rid off his wet boots and walked towards the bedroom door. "Thanks, Jeannie," he said softly and noticed the slight blush on her cheeks, but headed to the bathroom.

While she heard the water running in the bathroom, Jean began to unpack the bags and had to smile since he'd also thought about her feminine needs. She put the things away into the kitchen cupboards when he suddenly cleared his throat behind her. Her cheeks became even redder since he only had a towel wrapped around his hips. "Ehm…did ya wash all of our clothes?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow and watched how she covered her mouth.

"I thought you still had a shirt and pant to wear," Jean said and pointed at the wardrobe.

"Yeah, the stuff I wore in the morning and which is still wet, darlin'," Logan replied with a smirk.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. It's you who has to sleep next to me," he waved off and went over to the wardrobe to get a blanket out of it to wrap himself into. "Thanks for cleaning up, darlin'," he smiled when she handed him the cup with tea.

While he swallowed it, she gave him a concerned look. "Isn't that too cold for you at night?" Jean asked and nodded at the think blanket.

He only smirked when he put the empty cup into the sink. "As I said…it's ya who's to sleep next to me," Logan replied and checked on the fire again before he locked the door and closed the shatters. She followed him to the bedroom with a frown in her face.

"And that means?" she asked while she opened the door to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

"That I'm sleeping on the sofa," he said and grabbed the pillow.

"What?" Jean asked and stared at him. "Why?"

"Believe me, ya won't sleep next to me when I'm freezing at night, Jean," he assured her but she blocked his way.

"Are you going to stab me all of a sudden?" she demanded to know and he cocked an eyebrow at her.

"'f course not!"

"Then go back to bed. When the fire gets out you'll freeze even more," she said and watched him going back. "What happens at night?" Jean asked curiously.

He only shrugged and pulled the sheets over his body. "Let's say I'm pretty…devoted if I start freezing…," Logan said and couldn't hide the smirk on his face when he picked up another change in her body. He waited for her to come back, dressed in his shirt and pants again. "There go my clothes…," he mumbled and gave her a look when she began to pull on something under the sheets.

"Here," Jean said and handed his pants over to him.

"I didn't say that you've to give me them, Jean," he chuckled, but she shook her head.

"I know. But I don't want you to freeze." She laid down and turned the oil lamp on her side of the bed off.

Shaking his head, he put the pants on. "Now we'll both freeze," he grunted and did the same with his lamp. "Is that warm enough for you?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled and pulled the pillow closer. "Night…"

"Night," he replied tiredly and soon drifted off to sleep while she was still awake. There were still too many thoughts flying around in her head to make it possible for her to find any sleep. She heard him turning around in bed and closed her eyes. Maybe she should have listened to him that it was too cold in a shirt only, but still it was better than letting him freeze next to her. Startling when she awoke out of her daydream, she felt how he suddenly cuddled closely up to her in his sleep. Jean couldn't help but smile a bit. She'd actually thought that he'd been joking about being _pretty devoted_ when he froze at night. Not being unhappy about it that he pulled her even closer, she felt how she got warmer and the thoughts finally stopped distracting her from falling asleep…

**Yeah, I know, it doesn't happen a lot in this one here, but well. I wanted to start it slow. Thanks to all who've reviewed: ) I'll try to put the next chapter up soon! See ya!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: **I'm sorry that it took so long with this one. I had pre-written the first four pages since I posted the last chapter but I didn't know how to go on writing it. : ( Thanks to sammy-girl again, who wrote the part with the green-eyed monster for me and had some other ideas, I managed to finish this one here. : ) Thanks!!! Hope you guys like this one here and please let me know what you think!!!

**Love and Pain lie close together**

By now they already lived for four months in the mountains together. They hadn't heard anything at all from their former teammates or any authorities, but still they weren't convinced that they weren't looking for them. During the months Logan had done his best to train her in her control. It surprised him how much she was in control of her powers. She'd told him that she could still hear Phoenix's voice in her head from time to time, but she wasn't fighting anymore. He'd told her that it was the same with his animal. The Wolverine was still there, but since he lived with her his negative wasn't fighting that hard anymore. She'd said that she'd already noticed that he was more at peace with himself and he'd guessed that it was probably their dark sides reacting to each other.

Sitting on the roof while he worked on the aerial, Logan squinted against the glaring white snow around him. It was so cold today that his breathing was visible in the air. A sniff told him that lunch was nearly ready and he smiled. As far as his memories reached back, he couldn't remember sharing his life with someone. At least not longer than for one or two nights and he'd never taken anyone with him to his cabin. It had always been his private shelter, something he'd never shared with others. He'd also never believed that he'd actually like living with someone or that he'd be able to cope with it. Logan concentrated on his work again when underneath him the door went open and he heard her stepping outside.

"Logan?" Jean called and looked around through half close eyes since it was too bright to have a proper look. Feeling the difference in temperature all of a sudden, she wrapped her arms around her body.

"Up here," came the reply and she stepped into the snow, shielding her eyes with her hands when she looked up.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, darlin'?" he replied with a smirk. "I'm fixing it…"

"You can fall down…," she scolded him worriedly. "Please come down…"

Chuckling he finished his job up there and let the tool box fall down to the ground. "I can't break my bones, Jeannie."

"But you can get hurt, so please," Jean begged him and watched how he jumped of the roof.

Landing in the soft snow he noticed the look she gave him. Smirking he raised both hands and turned around his own axis. "See? Stoll one piece!"

"You're like a big child," the redhead said and shook her head sighing when she turned around. "Incorrigible…"

"Jeannie…," she heard him saying and turned her head again just to be hit by snow square in the face.

Wiping the wet stuff out of her face while he gave her a smug grin, she nodded at the tool box. "Don't forget that one." Cocking an eyebrow at her suspiciously, Logan turned around to get the boy from the ground as he suddenly heard a rumble above him. Still with one eyebrow raised he let out a yelp as she sent the whole snow of the roof crashing down on him. Growling he got up and glared at her. "If the child is done playing now," she said with a slightly amused undertone. "Lunch is ready." Hearing him cursing behind her, she smiled ever wider. "Get rid of the snow first. I just cleaned the flo…," she began and let out a shriek when he put some snow into the back of her shirt. "Damn you!" He only laughed and closed the door while she tried to grab the snow on her back. "Wipe it off!"

Smirking he pulled her shirt up a bit and cleaned her back, feeling her shivering under his touch. "Payback's a bitch, huh?" Only receiving a look from her sat down at the table. "Do we still have enough food?"

She filled his plate and put it in front of him. "For approximately a week maybe," she replied and he nodded. After she'd sat down in front of her plate she watched him eating for a moment. "When will you go to the village again?"

He shrugged and sipped on his water. "Tomorrow or the day after."

Nodding the redhead ate a bit. "Can I come with you this time?" She noticed the look he gave her. "I need to get out of her, Logan… To see something else. I just can't sit here and wait for you so long…"

Thinking about it he met her gaze and looked into her green eyes for a moment. "You sure about it?" he asked and she nodded. He understood how frustrating it was for her to see nothing else than snow and mountains if she wasn't used to it as he was. "Can you shield us from them? I mean like…making them forget that they saw us?"

"Yes, I think so…" Jean nodded.

"Then let's leave after lunch," Logan suggested with a smile. "We can stay at a hotel then. So we don't have to put ourselves under stress tomorrow."

Smiling she nodded again. "Thanks…"

"No problem," he smiled back and they went on eating in silence.

It was nearly 7 p.m. when they reached the village. Exhausted after such a long walk through the snow, Jean wanted to go and get something to eat and drink, while Logan decided to check into a hotel first and get a room. Ending up in a small hotel, they dropped their backpacks on the ground and the redhead quickly changed her clothing before her led her to a pub where they could eat something. "When do you want to buy new food? And where?" she asked him while she tried to manipulate the other guests in a way that would make them forget that they'd seen the two mutants.

"Dunno. Best thing we buy something tomorrow on our way back. In that way we can also get some fresh stuff," he shrugged.

"Sounds good. I can't see tinned food anymore…"

Chuckling he nodded at her soda. "Want a new one?" he asked and got up when she nodded. "Be right back."

"Logan?" Jean quickly said and made him turn around a questioning look on his face. "I always wondered… Why can you pay for everything? I always thought you had no money…"

Smirking he cocked an eyebrow at her. "Thought I was a thief, eh?" he joked. "Cage fights are the answer, darlin'."

"Cage fights?" she asked in disbelief and he nodded.

"Explain it later." With that he turned around ad walked towards the bartender. She watched hoe he leant against the counter and waited for his new beer and a soda for her. After a while she let her eyes travel around the bar and she immediately thought it suited him. The whole room practically screamed _bad boys only_ at her and she quickly looked away as three men on a table nearby grinned dirtily at her. It disgusted her what she could read in their minds. What they wanted to do with her, how they wanted to see her… She was more than thankful that Logan was here with her. Her green eyes fell on Logan again and Jean began to frown. She watched how a brunette and blonde woman, that practically had tramp branded in their foreheads, laughed and flirted with him. But the thing that somehow angered her the most was the he shamelessly flirted back. Not being able to tell why she felt that way, the redhead looked down in her hands; not noticing that one of the man was approaching her table.

"Hey sweetheart," he said and made Jean's head jerk up. "All alone? Why don't you come over and keep us some company?"

Lowering her gaze she shook her head. "No thanks…" Startling when he suddenly grabbed her arm roughly she started at him with widened eyes; smelling the strong odor of alcohol on him.

"It wasn't an offer, bitch," he hissed and suddenly crashed into a table next to her.

"That ain't an offer either, bub!" Logan growled and glared at him. "Go back to your table and leave my girl alone!"

Watching how the man got up angrily and his two drunken friends joining him, Jean swallowed hard. "Or what?" the fat and also drunken man in front of Logan hissed, clenching his fists in anger while his friends cracked their knuckled.

Making a step forward, Logan faced him. "You'll see…"

"Logan… Can we just go, please?" Jean asked and got up, giving him a look. "Please?"

"You're coming with us, baby," a man on her right said and licked his lips provocatively. "We'll be nice! I promise!"

Grabbing his collar Logan pulled him closer. "I'll be nice, too, promised!" he growled and threw him into one of his friends. Seeing how the fat man wanted to attack him, he growled even lower. "Ya keep this up, ya gonna lose somethin', bub!" he hissed and the man stopped when he took a closer look into his opposite's eyes. "Piss…off! Now!" Watching them, Jean didn't know what to do, as the man suddenly turned around and went back to his table. "Ya alright?" She heard him asking and nodded. "Come on, let's go. We eat somewhere else," Logan said and grabbed her hand quickly, ignoring the two glaring women at the bar.

Walking for a while on the snowy street he realized that he still held her hand in his. "Ehm…," Logan said and let go of it while he stopped to take a look around. "Ya in for a pizza?" he asked calmly with a brief look at her but only received a nod. "Hey, you're not mad now, are ya?"

"No," Jean replied and looked down the street, avoiding his gaze on purpose. Silently she followed him over the street first and into a small restaurant a few meters further down the same. After entering, Logan took her jacket and led the way to an unoccupied both in the far corner. The small restaurant was cosy, a few candles burning here and there, casting flickering shadows onto the walls. A few other couples and a small family were scattered around the restaurant, enjoying their meal. After taking a seat across from each other, Jean still kept her eyes cast away from his, plucking on her fingernails. She could clearly feel his gaze burning into her body. Uttering a sigh, she finally got her composure back and managed to return his gaze. "I'm really not mad or anything." He only answered with a raised eyebrow. She rolled her eyes, adding another "Really!"

Silence stretched between them, Logan still with his eyebrow raised and finally, he couldn't suppress a smirk anymore and shook his head in amusement.

"What?" she asked him suspiciously and watched hoe he leant back in his seat with a knowing look on his face, accompanied by a smug smirk.

"It's really funny, this so called green-eyed monster, don't you think?" he asked her with an even wider smirk.

"What?!" Jean said again and he chuckled when her cheeks turned red.

"Someone's jealous, huh?"

"I'm not!" she immediately replied and took the menu to read it. "What makes you even think that?"

"Right…," Logan nodded and took a menu of his own, still smirking knowingly. "I don't like plastic tramps anyway…," he added with a mumble, knowing full well that she heard it.

Glaring at the menu, which shielded her face from him, she let out a brief snort. "I've seen that…," she hissed in barely more than a whisper and made him grin in satisfaction.

After they'd eaten in silence it was already dark on the outside when they left the restaurant again. Shivering due to the sudden difference of temperature Jean began to wrap her arms around herself. "Cold?" Logan asked her while he put on his leather jacket and received a shake of her head. "Of course not…," he mocked and put an arm around her to pull her closer. "You wanna go back to the hotel or do ya need anything from a store?"

"Maybe a magazine to read or something…," Jean replied calmly and looked away while her heart was racing.

"Girl's stuff, huh?" he asked and nodded. "'Kay, come on." Leading her down the street towards a small store which sold magazine, books, different snack and drinks, but also cigarettes and cigars, Logan waited at the check-out and nodded at the cigars.

"Finally back in town, Logan?" the older man asked the mutant while he handed him a package with cigars and received a nod. "And a new girl, I see." Smiling at the woman, who still looked through the different magazines first and briefly stopped to get something to drink, too, he nudged Logan briefly. "And, as I might say, finally a fine lady, huh?"

"Whatever," Logan grunted and cocked an eyebrow when Jean put down three magazines, an US newspaper, two sodas and beers and some sweets and chips onto the counter.

"What?" she asked him since she'd noticed his look.

"Nothin'," he waved off and paid for the things. "See ya, Tom," he added with a nod at the old man, who nodded back with a smirk and watched the two leaving.

"Hope the two of you have a fun night," the man added with a wink and made Jean blush instantly. "And I hope to see that lady again, Logan! Don't even dare to show up tomorrow with another one!"

"Yeah, yeah," this one grunted and left, leading the way back to the hotel. Reaching their room again he dropped the bag on the bed and locked the door, realizing once more that she was awfully calm. "Jeannie, come on! Don't tell me ya still think about those two chicks in the bar!" he said and got rid of his jacket while she got a pyjama out of her backpack and headed for the bathroom. Sighing he heard her shutting the door and soon the water began to run in the shower. Only able to shake his head, Logan got rid of his clothes and laid them onto a chair near the bed before he jumped onto the bed only with his black boxers on and examined the magazines she'd bought. "Girls…," he grunted and gave the Vogue magazine first, and the Cosmopolitan one next a cocked eyebrow before he suddenly smirked. Throwing both women magazines onto a pile he began to read in the one she'd gotten for him and let out a sigh as his eyes caught one of the newest Harley Davidson bikes on one page. From afar he heard how she opened the bathroom door again and gave her a smirk. "No Playboy for me?" he teased her and hoped that she would at least smile a bit, which she thankfully did.

Coming closer Jean put her clothes onto another stool and placed the bag onto the ground before she grabbed the sweets and a soda out of it, switching the television on mentally. "I doubt you need one…"

Smirking he put the magazine onto the bedside table. "Is that warm enough?" he asked and nodded at her black top and short panties.

"Yes," Jean mumbled while she chewed her sweets and had her eyes fixed on the movie on television.

"Do we have to watch that one?" Logan asked and cocked an eyebrow at the screen, but she only shrugged. "Don't tell me ya actually like _Gone with the wind_, darlin'…" Sighing he got up to use the bathroom next, leaving her with a smirk on her face on the bed. As soon as he was gone and the water ran, she switched programs to the newest episode of _Grey's Anatomy_. Moving onto her belly, she grabbed a magazine next and began to read in it while she absently ate her sweets and listened to the television. Stopping briefly on a page with the title _Is your partner an animal in bed?_, she gave the bathroom door a brief look, but shook her head and put the magazines to the ground, accompanied by the sweets and her soda. Sighing, Jean ran a hand through her face and moved under the sheets, pulling her pillow into a position that gave her a good view on the screen.

A few minutes later, Logan came out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him, drying his still damp hair with a towel. Smirking he stopped next to the bed and gave the sleeping woman an amused look before he switched off the television and let the towel carelessly fall to the ground. Moving under the sheets with her, he had to hide a grin as he read the title of a specific page in a magazine that Jean had been reading before she must have fallen asleep. Giving it an amused look he put it down to the ground too and bent over to pull some strands out of her face. "Try me, darlin'," Logan whispered and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, which made her stir a bit in her sleep, before he switched the lights off and pulled her close.

**Okay, that's it for today. ; ) Sorry again for the delay! Hope you guys liked it and thanks again to sammy girl!! See ya!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Love and Pain lie close together**

"I don't know, Hank," Ororo said while she stood with her arms crossed at the window in her office. "They couldn't find them up to now and there weren't any reports about incidents or strange activities either…"

"I know what you mean, Ororo," he gave back while he sat on the sofa on her right. "But both of them, especially Jean are regarded as enemies of the state by now due to their level of threat. The president has made clear again that he wants both of them either dead or alive and the authorities won't rest until they've found them."

Shaking her head she began to pace at the window. "But they can be everywhere. There's no proof that he has taken her to Canada… It could take forever to find them and maybe there isn't even a reason at all to look for them."

"Just because there was no catastrophe up to now," he replied and met her gaze. "…doesn't mean she's in control of her powers. You've seen what she's capable of. The president has seen it, too. He will never risk that someone as powerful as her runs around."

Exhausted from the sleepless night she had, Ororo sat down behind her desk. "You know Logan, Hank. When it comes to her his brain stops working properly and he'll do the most stupid things to protect her. And if he has to kill a whole army… He'll do it." Bitterly, since she remembered Logan's last words to her too well she stared at the wooden desk.

Not saying anything at all both mutants looked at each other for a moment. "You know…," he said and made her look up again. "Logan can't hide her forever. One day they'll find out…"

"And you know that they won't go down without with a fight," Ororo gave back and looked out of the window once more.

* * *

Slowly opening her eyes Jean blinked against the bright sunlight that fell into the room. With her brain still drowsy from sleep she needed some time to get all her senses together. Thinking that her pillow was harder than she remembered, she got even more confused as it suddenly began to move underneath her. Opening her eyes in a rush again she gave her "Pillow" a rather confused look, since it consisted not of white linen any ore as she remembered, but of strong muscles, smooth tanned skin and hair. Raising her head a bit with flushed cheeks she realized that she'd slept on Logan's chest with her arms firmly wrapped around his waist and her right leg entwines with his. Noticing that he'd his right arm around her waist while his free one covered her hand she blushed even more. Pulling away, the redhead leant back a bit and was about to turn around as he let out a protesting groan and pulled her close with both arms again to use her belly as a pillow this time. Letting out a sigh, Jean was convinced that he could hear her heart racing in her chest. Even if they shared a bed in the cabin, she'd never woken up so close to him. Usually he was already up, on the outside or cooking. Being awoken by her daydreams as he let out a satisfied sigh in his sleep, Jean's eyes switched towards the television. Not knowing what to do since she also didn't want to wake him, she finally switched her gaze towards the magazines on Logan's bedside table. Summoning them towards her with her powers she began to read in them, while he moved once more and made her shiver due to his touch. She couldn't lie to herself… Even if she stared at the pages and turned them Jean had no idea at all what she was actually reading. Putting the magazines away in frustration she finally decided to turn on the television and tried hard to concentrate on what she saw. Being so close to him while something deep within her responded to him, the redhead became more and more restless. She wanted to get away from him to calm down again, at the same time she didn't and in fact couldn't since his weight pinned her to the mattress. Finally deciding that the TV didn't help, too, Jean turned it off mentally and looked down on his peaceful and sleeping form. About to reach out she quickly withdrew her hand as he suddenly raised his head and turned a bit until he was able to give her a look. "Sorry…," Logan apologized as he noticed her stress and withdrew from her. "Why didn't ya wake me?" he asked and sat up a bit to run a hand through his tired face. 

Playing with the blanket on which her eyes were fixed, Jean shrugged. "You were deeply asleep… You didn't even notice that I watched TV for a moment…"

"Hm…," he made and had to smirk when his eyes caught the sight of the magazine she'd been reading before she'd fallen asleep and which laid now next to her on the bedside table. Recalling the title he'd read the night before, he couldn't hide his smirk and his urge to hit on her. "Went on reading?" he asked and nodded at the magazine. "You've fallen asleep while doin' it yesterday…" Seeing the shocked look she gave him it was hard for him to suppress a chuckle. He knew that she was fully aware of what she'd been reading yesterday. And he could tell, due to what he picked up from her, that she hoped he hadn't read it, too.

"Ehm…," Jean stuttered and looked away quickly. "Yeah… I was too tired obviously…"

"Yeah, I've seen that," he nodded as innocently as he could while her fast beating heart roared in his ears. "Somethin' interestin'?"

"No…not really…," she mumbled and got out of bed. "I go and shower."

"Ah, Jeannie…," Logan chuckled and shook hi head when he heard the water running in the bathroom. Turning around he picked up the receiver of the telephone to get something to eat for them.

When Jean came out of the bathroom again, drying her hair with a towel, she stopped in surprise as she saw the tray on the bed. "Come on," he said and beckoned her to sit down, too. "The sooner we check out and get food the earlier we're back in the mountains. It looks like snow."

"Following his advice, Jean kneeled down in front of the tray in the bed while he sat cross-legged opposite of her. Her eyes looked over the food and finally she took a croissant into her hand, beginning to eat it. "You're kiddin', right?" Logan asked her with a cocked eyebrow and received a questioning look. He shook his head and went on putting strawberry marmalade onto his croissant. "It won't kill ya if ya put somethin' on it, ya know…," he went on and held her his right under her nose. "Taste it…" Smirking since she hesitated first, he smiled even wider when she bit into it. "And?" Logan asked and bit into it, too. Watching how she began to put marmalade into hers, he nodded playfully and filled her cup with tea. "Good girl!" eating in silence, he could tell that she gave him at least as often furtive looks as he gave her. Playing the game for a while he decided to just keep on looking at her and to see how she'd react. And Jean did it just as he'd thought. Meeting his gaze, she blushed slightly and looked down again while she swallowed the rest of her croissant, just to startle a bit as he reached over to wipe marmalade from the corner of her mouth with his thumb gently. As a reaction she couldn't help but swallow hard. "I go and get ready and then we'll leave, 'kay?" Logan asked her and only received a weak nod after a moment. "Can ya pack our things together while I shower?"

"Yeah…," Jean nodded and held her head lowered while she looked at the tea in her cup. She was more than grateful that he wasn't able to read her thoughts. If she only recalled which page she'd been reading before she'd fallen asleep she immediately wanted to become invisible for the rest of her life. It was too embarrassing, especially since she knew he'd read at least the title of that page if not even more. Sighing, she put the empty cup on the tray and walked over to her backpack to get dressed before she began to pack their things.

It was hours later after they went to a supermarket to buy new food, something to drink and other things that they reached the cabin as it began to storm on the outside. Logan quickly closed and locked the door before he began to heat a fire since it was freezing cold in the rooms. Watching how Jean put the bags and her backpack onto the table, beginning to unpack them, he got up and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Change into dry clothes first. I'll do it," he said and she looked at him for a moment before she nodded and went over to the bedroom. After he'd packed everything away into the shelves and fridge, he began to heat some water for a tea; knocking on the bedroom door only minutes later. "Jeannie?" he asked carefully and went inside since she didn't reply. "Jean?"

"Yeah," the redhead suddenly said and came out of the bathroom.

"What did you do?" he asked and put the tea onto the bedside table when he saw the cut on her arm. Carefully taking it into his hand he stroked over it. "How did that happen?"

"I don't know," Jean shrugged and gave him a look from aside while he took the wet cloth into his hand to clean the wound. "Must have been a branch. I didn't notice it first."

"Ya didn't notice that?" he asked in surprise and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Sit down. I'll get a first aid kit."

"It's not necessary," she protested but sat down with a sigh due to the look he gave her. It didn't take long and he returned with a kit, proceeding to disinfect and dress the wound. "Thanks…," she said calmly and he nodded at the tea next before he took a blanket to wrap it around her shoulders.

"Warm up, I'll make dinner." He gave her a brief smile and pulled a strand out of her face as she suddenly leant forward. Breaking the kiss he stared at her slightly shocked about the sudden move she'd made. One look at her was enough to tell him that she was as stunned as he was. Instantly her cheeks flushed and she looked away, feeling obviously more than embarrassed.

"I'm…I'm sorry for kissing you," Jean mumbled and was about to move away when he quickly placed a hand at the back of her neck to pull her closer again.

"Well, I ain't," Logan replied huskily and kissed her softly again, but soon deepened it when he gave in to the desire. After a while he began to caress her lips with his tongue, begging her to let him inside before she finally parted her lips a bit. He heard a whimper when their tongues met for the first time, feeling how she slowly sank down on the mattress to have him on top of her next. Following her lead, Logan placed his left hand now on the back of her neck, licking and kissing her lips, then her neck and collarbone, while his free hand slipped under her shirt wanting. "Ya sure ya want this?" he asked panting but another kiss of her was answer enough for him. Pulling into a straight position he got rid off her shirt first before he pulled his over his head, too, just to go on caressing her skin everywhere.

Breaking another kiss Logan placed his right hand under her hip and pulled her leg up a bit. While he did so, his eyes where constantly on her glassy ones and flushed cheeks. Seeing her laying underneath him with a slightly open mouth was already enough to pull him over the edge. It was all he'd ever wanted and longed for and the animal within him couldn't wait anymore to take what it'd always considered as rightfully his. He'd always known, right from the moment he'd laid eyes in her, that she was the one. His equal partner, his mate… Logan bent down to kiss her lips softly and cheeks before he shifted his position once more. "Relax okay?" he whispered into her ear since she practically overwhelmed him with her nervousness. Her hands rested on his back when he began to push in as slowly as he could; knowing that he would hurt her a lot if he did it as Wolverine wanted. It took all of his strength to stop when she let out a hiss all of a sudden and clung to him. "You alright?" he asked concerned and met her heated gaze worriedly, but she only nodded with a weak smile and pulled him down into another tender kiss.

* * *

When Jean awoke hours later she realized that she was alone in the bedroom. Sitting up rapidly she tried to hear any noises from the bathroom first and got up with a blanket around her shoulders next. In the end she found him sitting on the sofa in the living room and staring into the fire. "Hey…," she said calmly, knowing that he had heard her way before she'd even gotten up. 

Logan only turned his head briefly to give her a look. "Hey…"

Frowning, the redhead wrapped the blanket closer around her shoulders and sat down next to him. "Something wrong?" she asked carefully and watched from aside how he stared into the fire again, the flames playing with his features.

"No… Nothin'."

She didn't need his abilities to know that he was lying or that something was clearly bothering him. "Logan, please. I know you're lying," Jean said after a moment and hoped he would look at her, but he didn't. "Tell me what's wrong all of a sudden."

Putting the cup, he'd held in his hand, down onto the table he stared at her closely. "What was this for you?" Logan demanded to know and focused his senses on any changes in her body.

"What was what?" she asked innocently and began to play with the blanket when she heard him sigh in frustration.

"Last night. I need to know what it means to you, where we stand…"

"I don't know…," Jean replied truthfully with a shrug. "But I don't regret it…"

Rolling his eyes a bit, he turned to look into the fire again. "What I am for you, Jean?" he asked calmly and made her look up again.

"My friend. The only one I still have."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Only a friend?" Logan asked, meeting her gaze and trying hard to show his upcoming disappointment. Since she didn't reply he got up in frustration and ran a hand through his messy hair before he looked out of the window. "It can never be sex only for me, Jean. Never. Not with you," he admitted after a moment and looked at her over his shoulder. She had her eyes fixed on the blanket, was still playing with it and it shattered her nerves that she stayed so calm while he was boiling from within. "Would ya say somethin', please?"

"I just… I think…," the redhead began and heaved a deep breath before she shook her head. "I'm afraid…," she said with a look at him.

"Of what?" he asked in confusion and walked back towards the sofa to sit down again.

"You can have anybody…," he heard her saying and gave a brief snort.

"And?" Logan asked challenging while he crossed his arms. "Do ya think I'm sleepin' with any girl that looks at me?"

"No, what I mean is," she stuttered and her eyes widen when she noticed that he was moving closer with an odd look in his eyes.

"That I'll leave ya? That I had ya and show ya the door?" he went and nodded at it. "Well, there it is." Realizing that his eyes suddenly were cold as ice, Jean swallowed hard. "'Cause I want ya t'leave if this really didn't mean anythin' at all to ya, Red!" Moving away again, he felt how she grabbed his hand quickly.

Noticing his raised eyebrow and tensed look, she broke eye contact for a moment. "It does mean something to me. It's just…" She shook her head sighing and ran a hand through her face and hair before she began to sob all of a sudden. Completely confused now, Logan couldn't help but stare at her from aside. "I don't deserve this…," she went on crying and looked at him in despair. "I don't deserve being treated like that after everything I've done…"

Sighing, since they had that discussion before months ago, he shook his head and pulled her close. "I don't deserve to feel happiness after killing so many people… After killing the Professor…and Scott…"

"I told ya before that this wasn't you," Logan mumbled into her hair and cradled her in his arms. "You and her are two different things, Jeannie. I've seen your suffering back then…"

Sitting up, she shook her head. "You don't understand!" Jean cried and looked away. "I lured Scott back to Alkali Lake back then. I wanted him to come because I needed his power… I did it on purpose!"

He didn't say anything first before he made her look at him again. "Also killing him? Was that planned, too?" he asked knowingly and she shook her head. "Then what are ya cryin' about, Jean? You can't change what happened anymore. Ya got a second chance in life, so use it!"

"But I still don't understand why," she replied in a whisper and sobbed even heavier. "And I'm afraid that it will happen again. That I'll hurt you…"

Only shaking his head he kissed her briefly and pulled her close again, allowing her to cry into his chest. "You said it yourself that ya don't have any problems with your powers anymore. And even if…I'm here to help ya." Using the blanket to spread it over both of them, he held her close while he slowly laid down on the sofa with her on top of him. "And now stop cryin'," he added calmly while he stroked over her back soothingly. "I don't like it when ya do it…" Smiling a bit, Jean wrapped her arms around his waist and cuddled up to him, feeling happy and protected once more. She didn't see the smirk which suddenly appeared on his lips. "Just one more thing, though…"

"What?" she asked and raised her head to look at him.

"Does the result of that nice little test in your magazine match the reality?" Logan asked with an even wider smirk as she blushed. "Otherwise…," he purred and pushed his groin against hers with a low chuckle. "…I can try to convince ya a bit more…," he added with a wolfish grin and pulled her close.

**That's it for today, I'm currently doing parallel writing on this one and Changes while I'm studying for college. LOL Up to now it works. ; ) I stop writing everyday at 6 p.m. and go on reading books for my B.A. exam until late at night, then it's typing again. I am more satisfied with such a schedule than I'd have been with typing on Sundays only as originally planned. And I think you guys like it more, too, huh? Anyway, I hope you liked that chapter here! ; ) Please review!!! And see ya soon I hope!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Love and Pain lie close together**

The snow had finally melted and flowers and trees were blooming. Jean enjoyed sitting on the outside and just watch how the wind played with the green grass, the leaves of the trees or the colorful flowers around her. The sun stood high in the cloudless blue sky and from where she sat she could hear and see the small river. She closed her eyes to allow the soft sunbeams to caress her face and long hair. The light made it appear to be even redder than it usually was. While she sat there in the grass and waited for Logan to come back, she began to think about her life now. She couldn't deny that she was relaxes and happy. It was not as if she'd just forgotten about her actions, but by now she could deal with it. She knew there was no way possible to redeem it and it still hurt her to think about the Professor or Scott. Especially Scott, but she felt too happy in the here and now to go on punishing and hating herself for it. Opening her eyes again she looked at the wood that was not far away from the cabin, hoped to see him somewhere… Sighing, since she couldn't find what she was looking for, Jean let herself fall backwards into the grass and crossed her arms behind her head. With closed eyes again she just allowed her mind to float…

In the past, she'd have never expected that a life with him somewhere away from any other social contacts or civilization could be so soothing and good. She enjoyed every minute of them being together. By now it even appeared to her as if it had never been any different, as if they'd always, right from the beginning, had been at the cabin. Back then, when Jean had read his mind after he'd set a foot into the school, she had seen the violence, anger and hate within his mind. But she'd also been surprised, and that's what she'd told the Professor, that there was this strong sense of honor and gentleness within Logan. She could especially enjoy the latter everyday. He practically cherished her every time he had the chance to do it and it felt great. It felt right and she wouldn't want to miss it anymore. If she was truly honest with herself, she couldn't wait in the morning to open her eyes and see him, while she waited impatiently the whole day through for the night to come, so that she could go to bed and cuddle with him. Not being able to stop a giggle, since she felt like a young school girl, Jean smiled.

"Ya know what they say 'bout people who laugh without anything to laugh about, right?" a deep, but soft voice asked and she opened her eyes to be blinded by the sun. Above her stood Logan, a dead deer carried on both shoulders, while he cocked an eyebrow at her. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Jean smiled. "You caught one?" she added and looked at the animal. She still remembered too well how he'd returned one day with a deer on his back for them to eat. He truly was a hunter from nature…

Yeah. I'm gonna skin it so that we can eat it for dinner later." He began to walk over to a spot next to the cabin, where he always skinned the animals he'd caught or chopped wood in the winter.

She watched him closely and wondered if his extraordinary skills as a hunter had something to do with his feral nature and had come naturally to him, or if he had to learn it by himself to survive while he lived alone. Either way, Jean was completely fascinated by it. Especially since he always refused to accept her offer to help out with her powers if necessary. Heaving a deep breath to enjoy the fresh air again, she got up and straightened her clothes to walk over to him and sit down on the bench next to the cabin. Even if it disgusted her to see him working on the animal, she still couldn't get enough of seeing him working so professionally and smoothly. "You wanted to go down to go down to the village tomorrow morning, right?" she asked after a moment and he looked up; small bead of sweat on his forehead were glittering in the sunlight and he wipe them away with the back of his left hand.

"Yeah, why?" he asked and went on with his work.

"I wanted to come with you again," Jean replied and moved her feet up and down a bit. "I wanted to see a doctor…"

"Are ya sick?" Logan asked instantly and froze in his movement to give her a worried look.

"No." She shook her head. "I only wanted to do a check up, you know. To make sure that everything's fine." Holding his gaze for a while she could tell that he wasn't convinced at all. "Back at the school I did it at least once a year… Don't worry about anyone finding out! I'll make them forget that I was there." Finally shrugging he concentrated on the deer again, still being watched by her.

After they had eaten dinner, they walked over to the small lake in the dark. While she held onto his hand, Jean had her eyes fixed on the stars in the dark sky and smiled when the light of the full moon was reflected on the water. He let go of her hand to get rid of his clothes, making her do the same, before they dived into the cold water. "Jeez," Jean gasped and held onto him as he only chuckled. "I can't remember that it was that cold the last time…" Shivering slightly she pressed herself against his body and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Nuzzling it with his nose, Logan pulled her closer and placed a kiss on it. "We were two hours earlier last time… And ya know that it cools down pretty fast."

"Yes, but not that fast…," she shivered and made him laugh again.

"C'mon," he said and swam over to the shore again where he laid down in the grass as naked as he was and just enjoyed the feeling of it. "What's wrong?" Logan asked after a moment since she was still in the water. "I thought you're cold?!"

"Yes, but…"

Shaking his head he smirked and placed one arm behind his back. "It's dark, Jeannie, we're alone in the mountains, so no one can see ya!" he said and added with a grin. "…well, except me…" Sighing, she looked around first, before she left the water quickly and kneeled down next to him. As her hand touched her shirt, he grabbed her wrist. "What are ya doin' now?!" Logan asked and the moonlight was reflected in his eyes due to his nightvision.

"Getting dresses," Jean replied calmly.

"Why?"

"…because I am naked?!" she asked in her best _"Why else?!"_-tone.

"And?" he asked instead and pulled her over to him to position her in front of him. "I like ya naked…" Hearing his husky voice always made her shiver, but due to the cold air she shivered even more.

"What do you have in mind?" she demanded to know and felt him kneeling down behind her, while he forced her upper body up against his. She gasped when his arms quickly went around her slim form and he began to suck and lick on the pulse point on her neck. One more thing she was more than surprised about… He did it and made her forget instantly about her worries. Right now she just forgot about the fact that they were out her naked and that down in the grass on a lake somewhere in the Canadian mountains…

"Jeannie?" she heard him whispering against her ear and opened her eyes.

"Hm?"

He kissed her neck again, the side of her jaw before one hand stroked over her cheek, breast and belly. "Ya know that I love ya, right?"

"Yes, I do," the redhead replied after she'd wrapped her hands around his neck and leant back against him.

Kissing her neck once more he stopped to look at her from aside. He still held her close with one arm while his free hand caressed her soft skin and he could tell that she enjoyed it. "You know…," Logan went on and drew circles with one finger around her navel, causing her to close her eyes and lean further back against him. "...the animal in me wants something…, needs something. He's hitting on me with that from the moment we met at the school…"

Turning her head a bit Jean looked at him with a slight frown. "What does Wolverine want?" she asked calmly and began to feel nervous since he hesitated with his answer.

"He wants to mark ya…"

"Mark me?!"

He nodded and kept his eyes low. "From the moment I saw ya, he wants me to mark ya."

"Mark me as what?" she asked, still not really understanding what he meant.

"As his mate," Logan explained calmly and inhaled her scent briefly. "His partner…"

She let her hands sink a bit and looked at the lake while she began to shiver again. "How?" she asked and turned her head to search for his eyes in the moonlight. "I mean…will it hurt?"

"I'd never hurt ya!" he said instantly and pulled a strand out of her face. "Is it okay for ya? Will ya be my mate?" Hopefully waiting for her answer, he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"What does it mean? For him, I mean," Jean asked and looked at him from aside. "Let's say from Wolverine's way of thinking to ours."

"Somethin' like…," Logan began and thought hard about a way to describe it. If he was honest, he didn't know it either. As far as he remembered, he'd never asked this of someone before. "Well… How good do ya know wolves?"

"Only the things I learned at school…"

"It means something like…partner in life. It shows who ya belong to…"

"Like a wedding band?" Jean asked and felt him shrugging behind her.

"Somethin' like that. Just without the metal…"

Still playing with the hair on his arms, the redhead thought about it. "And what will he do?"

"I don't know," Logan said truthfully. "I never asked this of someone else before… At least as far as I can remember…" It was easy for him to pick up on her inner conflict and fear, so he touched her cheek to make her look at him. "It's okay if ya don't want it. Its only what he wants…"

"And what do you want?" she asked surprisingly.

Stroking over her cheek gently he broke eye contact for less than a second. "Ya know what I want…"

"Then let him do it," she replied with a stern look and made him frown.

"Ya sure?"

Touching his cheek with a smile, Jean nodded and turned fully around. "Yeah. Just tell me what I've to do…"

He heaved a deep breath and let go of her cheek. "Turn around again," he said and waited for her do so, before he pulled her up against his chest again. A gasp escaped her lips as he began to lick and suck on her neck again; his tongue caressing the pulse point in a way that made her ache for more. She couldn't see how the light was reflected in his now black eyes, nor that they looked feral and wanting now or that his rational way of thinking had been replaced by a simple primal one. Right now she was nothing more to him than the female he craved for, the one he wanted as his mate, the female he wanted to mark as his. Wolverine smirked as he slowly pushed her down, but she suddenly gasped as a low growl in excitement escaped his throat. Jean turned her head a bit to stare at him with widened eyes. She noticed the sudden change in him, felt the firmer grip on and around her waist that held her immobile against his body and couldn't hide that she was scared. Never before had she met the feral side in him. She couldn't tell what he was about to do or what he'd do if she refused to obey. Logan had told her only minutes ago that he wouldn't hurt her, but was it also valid for him? Not knowing what to do, Jean pressed against his effort to push her down.

He growled as he noticed it. Unable to understand why she refused to do what he wanted, Wolverine let go of her waist with his right hand and bent more over her. While he was on his knees he placed the hand now next to her shoulder to support himself with it. Due to his now heavy weight on her back, she was practically forced onto her knees with a shriek. Beginning to pant when he growled again, Jean thought her heart would begin to burst in her chest. The pressure she could unmistakably feel against her legs made his intuition more than clear. Not knowing him or how different he was from Logan, she was afraid that he would just force her and was about to use her powers as he suddenly began to nuzzle her cheek with his nose and an almost cat-like purr.

Nuzzling her again since her fear overwhelmed him, Wolverine guessed that something he did or was about to do caused his female to react that way. Even he refused to take her like this. He wanted the female to enjoy it, to be an active participant. He felt her relaxing slowly under his caressing and used his free hand to stroke down from her neck to her thighs. He smiled when she closed her eyes and pressed a bit more against him…and he knew he had her where he wanted her to be…

When Logan regained consciousness again her directly looked at the stars in the sky. It took a while before he noticed the warmth next to him and raised his head a bit. Smiling since she was asleep, he reached out to shake her gently. By now it became way too cold to stay outside naked and without thick blankets. "Jeannie?" he asked softly and made her moan a bit before she finally began to move.

"What's wrong?" Jean asked drowsily and opened her eyes. "We have to go back. It's too cold." Getting up after he pulled a strand out of her face, he got their clothes. Handing Jean her ones he began to get dressed and looked at her afterwards. He noticed that she didn't speak a lot and began to feel worried. "He didn't hurt ya, did he?" Logan asked concerned and made her look up.

"No…, no he didn't," the redhead said and saw that he wasn't convinced. With a brief look to the lake she walked over to him and placed her hands on his chest. "I'm fine."

Nodding, Logan looked up to meet her gaze. "What did he do?"

"What do you think?"

"Jean… What did he do?!" he asked again with a look. "I don't know what he did, so tell me…"

With a smile she began to pull him with her. "If you promise to behave…," she purred and stroked down his chest to his belly, before she grabbed his belt to drag him over to the cabin. "…then I might show you…"

Making an impressed face playfully, he followed her. "Everything?" he asked and wobbled his head.

"Only if you purr like a kitten again," Jean giggled and made him stop dead in the tracks.

"I did NOT!" Logan complained but she nodded with a smirk.

"You did! Not only once…" Biting her lower lip smiling the redhead began to pull him with her again, ignoring his shocked stare.

**I'm sorry that updating with that one here took so long. I first had no idea what to write and then on late Sunday night LOL, I suddenly had this idea. Hope you guys liked it! Thanks to all reviewers! Please let me know what you think! ; ) See ya!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Love and Pain lie close together**

She left the building still with her eyes fixed on the papers she held. After Jean had visited one doctor, this one had sent her over to another one, who'd given her more or less a bunch of papers she stared at now. Completely lost in thoughts she stood on the street and looked at them as a hand touched her shoulder. "Everythin' alright?" Startling with a loud shriek she made a jump backwards and hit the wall with her back. Her heart was nearly bursting her chest as she noticed who was standing next to her. Concerned Logan cocked an eyebrow at her. "Hey, darlin', is everythin' alright? You're paler than snow…" With his eyes fixed on her he made a step into her direction, as she quickly packed the papers away, which made him only the more suspicious. "What's wrong? Are ya sick?"

"No… I'm fine," Jean said and gave him a smile of which he knew it was faked. "I'm hungry, what about you?" Linking arms with him she dragged him away from the building towards the small restaurant they'd once eaten in. After they'd sat down and she'd taken a menu into her hands to study it, Logan remained opposite her with his arms crossed and stared holes into it. "I'll take the 35 with a salad and you?"

"The chance to ask again what's wrong with ya!" he grunted and she let her card sink. "I know ya good enough by now tell that you're acting' weird."

Only staring at him for a moment she closed the menu and put it back onto the table. "It's nothing," Jean said again and shook her head for emphasis. "I'm fine. You only scared the hell out of me…"

"I scared the hell outta ya 'cause ya were too absorbed in readin'," he gave back. "And I can tell that you're lyin'!"

"I'm not!" she said again as the waitress stopped next to their table.

"What can I bring you?" the blonde woman asked and held her small notepad and pencil ready in her hands.

"Number 35, a salad and a water, please," Jean said and still held Logan's staring gaze.

"And for you, sir?"

"The same but with a coke," he grunted and the woman disappeared again with a nod.

"If everythin's alright, then what were those papers?" he demanded to know and she sighed.

"Isn't it enough if I say that everything's fine?" she asked and sounded slightly annoyed.

"Nope!"

"Jeez, Logan! He asked why I haven't made a check-up so long and I told him that I moved away from my old home and couldn't make it, since I can't tell him that I was dead for some time and are now hiding from the authorities, right?! So he sent me to the other one and the papers were just…information an some advises," she explained quickly and added an annoyed "Satisfied?!".

Chuckling he shook his head with a smirk. "You're a good storyteller, ya know? My senses tell me if someone's lyin', Jean. And you are!" Seeing how she was about to say something, he quickly raised his hands. "Ya don't wanna talk about it, fine with me. But I hope ya know that I'm worried." He looked up when the waitress came back and served the food and drinks.

"Here you go," the woman smiled and left again.

"Damn…," he cursed. "Why didn't ya tell me that 35 was fish?"

Shrugging, she began to eat. "You could have just asked…"

"I hate fish…" Making a disgusted face Logan began to turn the fish with his fork.

"You can read, can't you?" she asked angered and without looking at him.

Not saying anything else he reluctantly swallowed the fish and potatoes and followed her back outside afterwards. There he grabbed her hand to make her stop. "You're really fine?"

By hearing his voice she could tell that he was clearly worried and took his hand. "I am," Jean said once more. "Nothing's wrong with me…" She saw how he narrowed his eyes again a bit as he'd done it before. "Am I lying again?!"

Staring at her for a moment longer Logan finally shook his head. "No…"

"Good. Can we go and buy food and everything else we need now?" she asked and walked further down the street towards the mall.

The next hours she spent her time with dragging him through it and got everything they needed, before they packed their backpacks, he two additional bags and headed back to the cabin. Reaching it when it was already dark they packed the things away and showered. When Jean left the bathroom and had already changed for bed, she entered the living room where he was cooking something. "You're hungry again?" she asked and sat down on the couch to watch some TV.

"What do ya think?" Logan gave back and put the chicken soup onto a plate. "I hate fish… Do ya want a bit, too?"

"No, thanks."

Shrugging he sat down next to her and began to eat while he cocked an eyebrow again at the show she was watching. Looking to and fro between her and the TV while he ate he couldn't help but ask. "What's that?!" he asked after a moment and put the empty plate onto the table.

"Grey's Anatomy," Jean replied with a look. "You should know that by now…"

"I always concentrated on your anatomy while you were watchin' it," he smirked. "And I bet ya only watch it because of that guy." He nodded at the screen and she laughed.

"How can you tell?" she asked with a teasing smile and leant her head against her arm that rested on the seat back of the sofa.

"'Cause he's a sissy," he grunted and crossed his arms.

"Right." She nodded playfully. "So if I get that correctly, I only like sissy's huh? But that would mean you're a sissy, too…"

Snorting he gave her a look. "You wish!" Smiling she turned back to the television and went on watching the show. "It's unrealistic," he grunted next and made her frown. "The doc there. How can she carry her kid around in a hospital?"

"Well if she hasn't got anyone who helps her with it?" the redhead shrugged.

"The kid has a father, hasn't it?" he gave back and met her gaze briefly, before Jean fixed her gaze on the screen again.

"Maybe he's left her or has no time or interest?" Only hearing a snort from him, she looked on the ground when the ending credits came and turned to him afterwards. "Do you want to have children?"

Letting out a short laugh Logan shook his head. "Nope!"

"Why not?" she asked with a frown.

"Why not?!" he repeated her question in a way as if the answer was obvious and the only logical one. "First, a kid costs money, they're loud and annoyin'- Then, I can't even remember what bein' a kid was like and always felt like an alien at the mansion. And a kid changes your whole life and I don't wanna change it," Logan listed and saw how she nodded. At least, he thought, she shares the same opinion I have. That would make them living together a lot easier.

"Too late for that…," Jean replied and gave him a stern look that he, a, didn't like and b, made him suspicious and feeling uncomfortable at once.

"What do ya mean?!"

"The first doctor I visited yesterday found some irregularities in my blood as he told me today. That's why he sent me to the gynecologist, who told me in the end that I'm six weeks pregnant," Jean said dryly without breaking eye contact, but with her heart in her mouth. "The papers I was staring at were a scan and the appointment when I have to do the next scan… Plus some information…" Waiting for his outburst she held her breath and counted from ten backwards; watched how he looked at the table for about six second before he used the remaining four to raise his head again, meet her gaze and just get up to walk over to the window and stare out of it. It was then that her heart gained speed, if that was still possible. "Would you say something?" she asked calmly and carefully.

"'n what?" Logan gave back, his hands buried in his jeans pocket and turned around a bit.

Swallowing hard while tears began to gather in her eyes, Jean pulled her legs close. "Something? Anything…" She shrugged.

"Ya already know what I'm gonna say, Jean," he said and turned back to the window.

"How am I supposed to know?"

"You're a telepath, damn it," he shot back and she bit her lower lip hard. "Ya can't have a child…"

Staring at him with widened eyes Jean saw the determined look on his face and began to shake her head. "I'll keep it!"

"Keep it, eh?" Logan asked and crossed his arms while he leant against the wall. "Use your head, girl! We live in the mountains, have enough money to buy food and things for the two of us, they are probably lookin' for us and will find us sooner or later," he listed. "So how do ya wanna do it?! We can't move into the village without riskin' bein' found and ya can't walk down to it in a few months anymore. So how exactly do ya wanna do it? Or what if ya or the kid is sick?! It takes two hours to walk down in summer, four to six in the winter. What then?!" Running a hand through his hair he shook his head when he saw the tears on her cheeks. "We have barely room for the two of us here. I can pay for us, but not for everythin' a kid would need, don't ya get that?!"

"We could go somewhere else!" Jean sobbed. "We could work and rent an apartment…"

"And where?!" Logan asked aloud. "Where's this _somewhere_?!"

"Europe or Australia?" she gave back. "I always wanted to go to Australia…"

Giving a short laugh he couldn't help but shake his head. "Jean, ya don't even exist officially anymore! You were dead!"

Getting up she crossed her arms in an awkward manner. "There are enough people with faked ID's, Logan!"

§Right…" He nodded playfully and copied her pose. "Do ya have any idea how much a faked ID costs? Or how long and how difficult it is to get a visa, especially for someone who's _dead_?! And what do ya wanna do if the kid has to go to a school? It won't work, don't ya realize that?!"

Snorting and swallowing her anger she walked over to the bedroom and opened the door. "I don't care what you say, Logan!" Jean nearly yelled while she cried even heavier. "But I see this child as my second chance in life and I'll keep it! No matter with or without you!" With that she slammed the door shut behind her and he sighed heavily.

Due to his heightened senses Logan could of course hear her crying heartrendingly into a pillow, but still he knew he was right. In their current situation they could need anything, but definitely not a child. With another shake of his head he let himself fall backwards onto the sofa and ran both hands through his face. "Shit!" he cursed and slammed his left hand against the seat back.

**I know it's short, but I don't have the time to write a lot currently due to my upcoming B.A. exam. I hope you like it! Thanks to all reviewers! ; ) Please let me know what you guys think about this one here, too. I'll try to update soon. See ya!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Love and Pain lie close together**

After hours of thinking their new situation through, Logan had finally fallen asleep somewhere around 5 a.m. in the morning. He had a rather restless sleep on the sofa in the living room and was awoken by a strange noise he picked up subconsciously. Drowsily he opened his eyes a bit, feeling light headed due to his lack of sleep and sat up when he heard the noise again. It didn't take him long to figure out the source. Getting up he made his way to the bedroom where he ran into Jean, who just left the bathroom and looked pale. "You alright?" he asked concerned and watched how she laid back down, holding her belly and pulling her legs close.

"What do you care?" she asked through clenched teeth and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the upcoming sickness again.

Hearing nothing at all from him for a while, Jean looked up in surprise when he sat down next to her and handed her a cup with tea. "Here, drink this," Logan said calmly and looked down on her but she shook her head.

"I won't keep it in…," she mumbled still with her eyes closed. "And stop being so nice again. I'm not buying it!"

Putting the cup onto the bedside table he rolled his eyes. "Do ya think I don't care?!" he asked gruffly and with a glare.

"You made your opinion very much clear, Logan!" she gave back harshly and looked briefly at him. "And if you don't mind, I'm not feeling well and want to be left alone!"

"God, Jean! Would ya stop goin' all bitchy on me?!" Logan hissed and had his eyes narrowed. "I never said I'd throw ya out or leave ya! I only want ya to use your rational way of thinkin' and tell me how ya wanna live this life with a kid!" Saying it he held her gaze. "I spent the whole night tryin' to find a way, Jean, and I can't find one, so tell me! If there was a way for us to leave this country, don't ya think I'd have taken ya elsewhere?! If ya know a way, tell me and we pack our stuff and leave…" Looking at her while he waited for an answer, Logan knew when she began to bite her lower lip that she had none. Kneeling down on the ground to be on eye level with her, he took her hand and pulled with the other strands out of her still pale face. "Look, I know ya wanna have this kid and even if I said I don't wanna have children, I could never hate it and would care for it. But we also have to think about what's best for the kid…," he went on, pulled his legs close, his arms were resting on his knees and rested against the bedside table, staring at his hands. "What I mean is a kid needs more than just two parents who love it and a roof over its head," Logan added calmly and turned his head to look at her. "And with our current way of livin' we can't give it more. And I know that you're aware of it, otherwise ya wouldn't react that way…" He reached out to wipe her tears away. "Jeannie, think about what they want to do with ya, with me probably now, too. What do ya think will they do with a kid who's probably a level 5 telepath with a healing factor?"

"There's no proof that they're still looking for us…," Jean mumbled between her sniffs.

"I know… But we don't know for sure. And as long as we don't know, we're not safe!" he replied. "Don't ya think I'd rather live in a house with ya somewhere else and have a normal life?" Seeing how tired she looked he got up. "I only want ya to think about everythin' very carefully, Jean. And I mean think really everythin' through," Logan said and tucked her in again. "Ya know that I'm on your side, no matter what! But I don't want to see ya sufferin' later if things turn out ugly and I'm not sayin' now that they will. Just think everythin' through and if ya know a way then tell me and we do it." Stroking over her wet cheek while she swallowed had, he briefly paused. "Try to sleep a bit more and drink the tea." Turning around he left the room and closed the door quietly behind him.

After waiting for hours for her to come out of the room, Logan finally went inside to bring her food and a bottle of water, but Jean was asleep. He sat next to her for some time before he left her alone again to spend the night on the sofa, where he kept on searching for a solution again. But every time he though he'd found a way out of it, he ended in a dead end. Nevertheless, he wanted to find a solution so desperately… After laying awake all night, Logan finally got up very early to make breakfast as he heard the bedroom door being opened and turned around to see an even paler Jean leaning against the wall. About to ask her something, she raised her voice. "Can we go down to the village? I need to see the doctor," she said in a weak voice and made him come closer a bit, clearly worried.

"Are ya in pain?!"

She shook her head and wrapped both arms around her. "No…"

"What's wrong then?" Logan demanded to know and tried to look into her eyes but she kept them fixed on the floor.

"I thought about everything again," she answered and felt that he wanted to intervene, but stopped him with another shake of her head. "I made a decision, Logan, and I'll do it!" Jean said determined and he looked down. "I know you're right… I know that I've been naïve to think we can keep it…," she went on calmly and bit her lower lip hard to stop herself from crying again. She'd already done too much of it at night. "I've looked for a way out, but I can't fine one either. And I know that if I gave birth I could never give the baby away… It would kill me to know that some strangers raise it… I can't do that. So it's better to stop it before I get too used to it and it becomes even more painful…" Biting her lip even harder, she heaved a deep breath.

"Ya sure?" he asked calmly and furrowed his brows, since she sounded like everything but absolutely not convinced.

"From the way you look I can tell that you haven't slept at night either. And I think you thought about the same, right?" He nodded. "And I think you came up with the same solution, namely nothing," she concluded. "This is the only way…" Letting the news sink in, Logan made a step forward but she backed off. "No…," Jean swallowed with tears in her eyes. "If you touch me now, I'll break down, so don't do it. Let's just get dressed and get it over with. The sooner the better."

Watching her leave, he was at a complete loss of his words. It didn't take long and she came back fully dresses, packing some of her and his clothes into one backpack and making it clear that she wanted him to get ready and not waste any more time. Afterwards, they descended the mountain in silence, he carrying the backpack, and rented a room for one night in their casual hotel. Wanting to accompany her, Jean made clear that she wanted to go alone and him to wait for her. Reluctantly doing it, Logan was now walking up and down the room for hours, like a caged tiger and kept on staring at the wall clock, waiting for her to come back. While he did so, he couldn't help but feeling terrible.

Part of him told him it was the only way, that they were incapable of raising a child with not enough money in a cabin far away from any other civil life, while the US government was probably looking for them. The other part again, kept on thinking about what a life with a child would be. Of course he'd always told himself that it was something he never wanted to have, but now he had his doubts. Now he had a woman who meant the world to him in his life, one who made him wish for a normal life. At least that was what he'd told her the day before. And a _normal life _included a child, didn't it? He'd said he wanted to live in a house with her and a house was too big for two people alone, wasn't it? Pausing with a groan, Logan ran both hand through his face and hair and stared at the clock again. What made him think that there wasn't a solution? Maybe he hadn't tried hard enough to find one. But he had through about everything, hadn't he? Maybe the only reason he never wanted a child was that he was afraid to be a bad father? If he was one, then he wanted to be able to offer his child a better and happier life than he had. The last thing he wanted was that his offspring had to go through the same hell than he had… His personal honor wouldn't let him. But wasn't his personal honor failing him just now, since he accepted the easiest way to escape from his irresponsibility? It was mainly his fault, he could have prevented it from happening and he never had and now it was the woman he loved more than anything else who had to suffer…

Turning away from the clock he sat down on the bed while his heart was still racing in his chest. He noticed the papers she'd left in the bedside table and took them into his hands to look at the scan he'd never seen before. Logan had to admit it looked like snow on television, meaning, he couldn't see a thing, but he knew it was there. His first child, his baby… Touching the spot where the small X was marking it, his eyes looked at the clock again. She was already gone for nearly two hours… Putting the picture away, Logan got up to grab his leather jacket from a stool and put it on. He didn't care if he had to get his hands dirty, he would make sure that his child had a normal and happy life. He only hoped that it wasn't too late… He'd never forgive himself if it was… Heading towards the door, he opened it in a rush, just to find her standing in front of it with a tear strained face and still crying. Feeling how fear began to spread in his chest, Logan couldn't help but stare at her as she wrapped her arms around his waist and began to cry into his chest heartrendingly… And he knew it was too late…

**I know it's very short but I came up with it yesterday after reading Hemingway over Hemingway over Hemingway for my exams. Don't ask me why. LOL But after hours reading became too depressing. ; ) Anyway the next chapter is already planned. The scenes at least, I only have to write it. You know I'm evil and you know I love mean cliffies, but…well, those who read Changes should know me a bit better. LOL Thanks for the reviews. Let me know what you think and what you believe happens next. ; )**


	10. Chapter 10

**Love and Pain lie close together**

Just standing in the doorway and holding her for sometime Logan finally reached over her and closed the door, before he walked backwards and sat down on the bed with her on his lap, straddling him and still crying into his neck. He knew he could add this situation to the things he would never forgive himself for. Seeing her suffering so much made him want to kill himself. Beginning to rock her slowly back and forth while he stroked up and down her back, he waited for her to calm down a bit more, which she finally did after an eternity. He didn't mind that his shirt was soaked with her tears, the look on her face was enough to make him wish he could take that pain away from her. Reaching out he gently touched her cheek and met her gaze that was so full of sorrow and misery that it made his stomach turn. She began to lean into his touch and closed her eyes for a moment, sending more tears down her already red cheeks before she looked at him again. "I'm sorry…," she mumbled, but he shook his head sadly. "You're mad with me now…"

Staring at her with a frown, he shook his head again. "No! What makes ya think I'm mad with ya? I'm worried about ya that's all…"

Heaving a deep breath, she sat up a bit, biting her lower lip hard and playing with his shirt. "I'm sorry…," she mumbled again and pulled a face all of a sudden before she cried into his shirt again.

Sighing Logan pulled her close once more. "Sorry for what, Jean?" he asked calmly and stroked through her hair. "We both thought it through… There was no other way, you said it yourself."

"I couldn't do it…," Jean sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry, Logan, but I couldn't do it…"

Beginning to frown first, he quickly cupped her face and made her look at him. "What did ya just say?" he asked her urgently and accidentally made her bite her lip even harder since she thought he was mad.

"Please, I couldn't do it," she said again and shook her head crying. "I can't do that…" Looking down, she felt how he touched her chin to make her look up again.

"So it's still there?" Logan asked barely audible and switched his gaze briefly to her belly where she laid a protective hand and back into her eyes. "It's there?" Receiving a weak nod from her, he let out a relieved sigh and pulled her close. "Thank God…"

"What?" Jean asked confused and pushed him away a bit. "But you said… You said you don't want…"

"Why do ya think am I wearin' my jacket and was about to storm out?" he asked her with a weak smirk. "I wanted to stop ya…" Not knowing what to say, Jean could only stare at him. On the whole way back from the gynecologist to the hotel she had thought about just running away, since she had expected an outburst from him, had stood, after she had found the courage to go upstairs, in front of the door for minutes and had cried even heavier in fear of going inside and telling him the truth and now he surprised her with being relieved and even telling her that he was about to stop her. She was at a complete loss of words. "What happened?" Logan suddenly asked and reached out to wipe her tears away. "What made ya change your mind?"

Shrugging, Jean began to play with his shirt again. "I went inside and talked with the doctor. He wanted to know the reasons and I told him that I can't take care of it and that it would kill me to give the child up and know that someone else raises it. So he accepted and told me to come back tomorrow morning, but I told him I wanted to get it over with now…"

"And then?" he asked softly and moved backwards to rest against the head of the bed, still with her on his lap.

"I think he was surprised that I wanted the abortion so fast. So he demanded to know if it really was my decision or the one of someone else," she replied and kept her eyes fixed on her hands. "I convinced him and he agreed. But when I sat on the stool and he prepared everything, I became scared…" Beginning to shiver as tears began to fall again, he pulled her close when he noticed it. Clinging to his shirt, Jean closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed hard. "I didn't say anything first, but when the nurse gave me the anesthesia, I panicked and said that I don't want it…"

"So he stopped it?" Logan asked, but she shook her head, which made him frown in confusion.

"It was too late for that. I passed out and when I awoke I began to cry since I thought it was gone, but then he told me that he didn't do it," she went on sobbing. "And then I was scared to come back… I knew you'd be mad with me…" Raising her head, Jean gave him a look. "And I still don't understand why you're not."

"'cause I'm an idiot…," he replied and stroked over her cheek gently. "You know…," he went on after a moment and shifted his position into a more comfortable one. "…it's just somethin' I never thought about. But actually I could have figured it out on my own that you're pregnant."

Being completely confused now, Jean sat up a bit. "How? Do you have x-ray vision all of a sudden?"

Chuckling a bit Logan shook his head. "No, but you're scent's different. I just didn't know before how a pregnant woman smelled, so I thought it had somethin' to do with your change of mood."

"Well, now you know…"

"Yeah…," he nodded and pulled her close again.

"What do I smell like?" she mumbled into his chest after a moment. "I don't stink, do I?"

"No," Logan smirked and began to stroke through her hair. "Actually, ya smell sweeter. And I can smell my scent on ya, too…" Nodding Jean closed her eyes, still feeling tired due to the anesthetic. Noticing it, he rolled over a bit to lay her gently down. "Jeannie?" he asked softly and met her eyes when she opened them again. "I'm sorry for bein' such an ass. I shouldn't have asked this of ya…," he said calmly and stroked over her cheek. "I'll call some friends of mine and ask them for help. Maybe they can do somethin'." Bending down to kiss her, he tucked her in. "Sleep a bit. I'll be right back." Logan closed the door behind him quietly and went down the stairs and out of the building on the search for the next phone. He found one in a side street and entered the phone booth. After dialing a number while he kept on looking around with a strange feeling of being watched, he waited for someone to pick up. It didn't take long and a male voice echoed through the receiver. "Hey, James, it's me…," he began and stared at the object in his hand after the man on the other side had just hung up. Not knowing what to say, he guessed his friends were obviously mad that he hadn't contacted them in quiet some time and hung up, too, to leave the booth again. Cursing, he slammed the door shut. They were the only people he could think about for help. About to walk down the street again, he turned with a frown when the phone inside began to ring. Not thinking twice he went back in and picked up. "Yeah?"

"Sorry, but we had to switch to a secure line," a male voice explained.

"Why a secure line?" Logan asked confused and closed the door behind him. "Are ya doin' secret service stuff again?"

"Actually because of you…," the man called James replied.

"Why me?"

"What have you gotten yourself into, Logan?" he went on and made Logan's frown even becoming bigger.

"James, I have no idea what you're talkin' about, bub," Logan replied and leant against the wall.

"We are kept under surveillance by some US guys. They didn't want to tell us everything, but they said that you helped a dangerous murder to escape to Canada. They are looking for you, so what the hell happened?" James demanded to know and Logan couldn't help but give a laugh. The whole situation was even becoming more ridiculous than it already was. "You think that's funny?!"

"Nope, but ridiculous," came the grunted reply.

"What happened?" the other man asked and Logan could hear other voices in the background. "Why are they looking for you?"

"First, I helped a friend to escape since my old group wanted to kill her, second, she ain't dangerous and not a threat. At least not more than I am, Logan explained with a growl. "Look, I called since I need your help. We have to get away from here, but we'd need faked ID's. Can ya do somethin' about it?"

Hearing a heavy sigh, he listened in to a brief conversation between a woman, he instantly identified as Heather, and James. "What are you up to, Logan?"

"Nothin'. I only want to get away from here and walk down a street again without bein' afraid that they shoot us," he grunted. "I need to go to Madripoor first. So can ya help me?"

"Alone?" James asked and he heard how he obviously began to work on a computer.

"No, with Jean."

"Why don't you travel the usual way? You always used a ship and stayed below deck."

"I would if I was alone, but I can't expect her to do that;" Logan sighed and checked his surroundings again.

"Why not?" James asked. "She wants to stay alive, so where's the problem in doing that?"

"'cause she's pregnant," Logan grunted and heard the whistle on the other side. "And I wanna do this under the radar!"

"What do you want me to say?" his friend asked. "_Oh shit _or _Congratulations_?"

"Oh shit will do, pal…" Hearing how the typing stopped on the other side, Logan waited for James to say something.

"You are where you always are, right?"

"Yeah," Logan said.

"It will take us some time, could even be month with them in our back, but we will get those ID's for you," James went on and Logan sighed in relief. "Listen, just think about the fact that some birds are more beautiful than others, okay?"

Smiling, since he knew who James referred to, Logan turned around in the booth. "Can do that. Thanks, pal and greet the others!"

"Just try and stay under radar, Logan. Oh, and try to keep away from any other trouble for once, okay? And don't even dare not to tell us when the kid's born, because Heather is already making plans for a gift," he heard James saying and chuckled. "Bye!"

Hanging up, Logan quickly checked his surroundings again and headed back. The news that they were already searching for them in Canada was something he first had to let sink in. When he reached the hotel room again he opened the door quietly, but found Jean sitting on the bed, obviously just after a shower, and watching TV. "Hey…," he greeted her and got rid of his leather jacket after he closed the door again. "I thought you were sleepin'." Sitting down next to her, she shook her head.

"And?" she asked hopefully but frowned when he shrugged.

"The good news is they'll get faked IDs for us, the bad news is it can take some time," Logan replied and noticed that she bend forward a bit.

"And what else?" Jean asked knowingly that there was more behind it, since he looked more than concerned.

"The other bad news is, it takes some time because they are kept under surveillance," he replied truthfully and saw her eyes narrowing first before they widened. "They are already lookin' for us in Canada. The good thing is, no one knows where my cabin is, except me and ya and that Alpha Flight has its headquarters far away from here."

"How did they find them?" Jean asked slightly scared and hugged her legs.

"They've probably figured that I worked for them years ago and thought I'd went there if I needed help," Logan said. "What matters is, if ya see a snowy owl in the mountains close to the cabin, wave to it."

Looking at him as if he'd lost his mind, she shook her head. "Why do you want to me to wave to an owl?!"

"She's a mutant and will bring the new IDs," he replied with a smirk, since he could guess how ridiculous it must have sounded. "Anyway, here's the plan." He leant back against the headboard. "With the IDs we first head to Madripoor."

"What's there?" Jean asked and laid down next to him, supporting her head with one arm.

"I have some guys there who take care of my finances. I lived and worked there for some time, ya know, so I think by know there should be enough money for us to convince some Australian guys to give as a visa," Logan explained.

"But that's not possible," Jean intervened. "You said it yourself, I was dead and don't have an ID anymore…"

Thinking about it for a while, since he had forgotten about that problem, he shrugged. "Well, we could pose as husband and wife. And I could convince some guys in Madripoor to give a faked ID with your name…"

While she looked down on the bed and began to play with her towel, she tilted her head a bit while he waited for a reaction. "I wouldn't mind to marry you…," she finally said and thought he would chuckle and think about as a joke, but when she looked up he shook his head.

"I want ya to have a real wedding," Logan only replied and noticed that her eyes became sad.

"Well, that's not possible anymore without and friends with whom we can celebrate…" Breaking eye contact to look at the screen, she sighed. "I wouldn't even mind to marry you in jeans."

"Nah," he made rather disgusted and made her turn her head with a frown. "I want ya to marry in white."

"Only if you wear a tux," Jean gave back with a smile and moved over to sit down on his lap. Resting against him she took his hand and began to stroke over it, not seeing his smirk.

"Who's proposin' to whom right now, darlin'?" Logan asked amused and made her smile.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"It's my job, ya know," he scolded her playfully.

"Well, then go ahead," Jean replied, taking it as a joke and looked up when he touched her chin to raise her head. Seeing that he was completely serious all of a sudden, she raised an eyebrow.

"Will ya marry me?" Hearing it she sat up in a rush and stared at him still skeptical, but with her heart nearly bursting her chest. "I ain't the _going on my knees_-kinda guy, ya know," Logan added since she showed no reaction at all. Just sitting there like a statue she finally understood that he was serious and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him, before she began to cry into his chest. Smiling, he pulled her close and rested his chin on her bare shoulder. "We can get the rings here, but I want to marry ya in Australia. To start a new life… Is that okay?" he asked and she only nodded still sobbing. "Jeez, someone's really prone to tears lately, eh?"

Letting go of him, Jean wiped her tears away with a smile. "Hormones…get used to it," she mumbled and made him chuckle. She heaved a deep breath to calm down again before she met his loving gaze. Reaching out to stroke over his cheek, she couldn't believe that she'd been afraid of telling him that she would keep the baby only minutes ago. Now he'd even asked her to marry him… Thinking about it, especially that he told her three times what he felt for her, she began to feel bad. She realized that he didn't know…

"What's wrong?" Logan asked and covered her hand with his since she was staring holes into his eyes. With furrowed brows he watched how she cupped his face and bend forward to kiss him softly.

"I love you," Jean said barely audible and bit her lip. "I don't know what I'd do without you…"

Shrugging playfully, he briefly looked around the room. "You'd be bored, would watch this weird show of yours nonstop while ya turn into a couch potato and would turn into a _Super Size Me_ version of yourself," he concluded an wobbled his head. Nevertheless, his heart had made a jump after finally hearing the three words he'd hoped for so much.

"I turn _super size me_ because of you soon enough," she gave back with a look and crossed her arms but he only grinned.

"I'd love ya in _super size me_-style, too." Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her close into a kiss, when she used her powers to push him down onto the bed. "Can we do that?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow, watching how she pulled her towel away first and began to push his shirt up next.

"Of course we can," Jean smiled and began to place kisses onto his belly.

"Ya sure they gave ya an anesthetic?" Logan asked and received a look. "It was you who was tired only minutes ago…"

Crossing her arms while she gave him a playful look, Jean couldn't hide her smirk. "From your reaction, I'd rather think it's you who's too tired for it," she mocked and had time to hear his playful growl before she was pinned to the bed with him on top. "As I thought," she smiled and pulled him down into a kiss.

**That's it for today. Hope you guys enjoyed it! ; ) Thanks for the nice reviews again!!! I always love to read what you think about the weird stuff I come up with. LOL Anyway, I'll try to post again soon! Please review!! ; ) See ya!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note: **I'm back! I'm sorry that it took so long, but as I've written before I had by Bachelor of Arts oral exam in Anglistics at college and I had to read a lot for it. Now that I'm done with it, I have finally time to write again even if college has already started here. So, just two hints for this chapter:

Tom is the old man you've already met in Chapter 5. It's the guy who owns the shop in which Jean had bought her magazines and he'd reminded Logan of not even daring to come back with another girl on the next day.

Then I picked a name for the baby. Since Jake died in Changes I first wanted to pick this one and I had already typed it but changed my mind. I hope you like the name, too.

Okay, have fun reading and please review!! ; )

**Love and Pain lie close together**

When the first sunbeams touched his skin Logan pulled a face and turned around, instinctively wrapping his arm around Jean, while his hand rested on her belly. Still being half way in oblivion he stroked over it and smiled pleasantly as he felt a soft kick against his palm. He opened his eyes after a while and watched how the redhead next to him turned in his embrace and faced him. Smiling lovingly Logan reached out to trace her features gently before he leant in to kiss her softly. After stretching his muscles he got up and ran a hand through his tousled hair, before he closed the door behind him to walk over to one of the windows. He sighed since there was still no snowy owl visible in the air and by now it was nearly nine months ago since he'd called the Alpha Flight Team for help. Turning around he walked over to the hot water tank first to heat the water and to the stove next to prepare breakfast for them. He was aware o them running out of time more than quickly. He wondered why it too his friends so long to provide them with the papers. Maybe they'd been caught in preparing them and had been arrested. He hoped not. Soon they had to move down to the village, while by now he'd planned to be at least in Madripoor already. It angered him a lot that they were still so close to where the actual danger was…

"Morning."

Logan turned around when he heard the voice behind him and began to smile. "Mornin'," he greeted back and watched Jean coming closer. "How're the two of ya doin'?"

She came closer still smiling, her right hand on her belly, the other on her back as she looked down. "Good I think…"

"Ya think?" he chuckled and turned back to the stove to put out the fire. "Ya slept like a log'n Johnny already kicked me."

She looked up in surprise after she's sat down on a chair very slowly. "Johnny?" she asked.

"That's the name ya liked yesterday, ain't it?" he asked and put a plate and a cup in front of her before he got his own breakfast. "Or have ya changed your mind again?"

"No," Jean replied with a smile as he suddenly jumped up and made her frown. "What's wrong?"

"Have forgotten somethin'."

"And what?" she asked, but he only gave her a lopsided grin and kissed her.

"This," he smirked and returned to his seat.

"Idiot," Jean teased and shook her head.

They went on eating in silence for a while. When she rested on the sofa later and he put new logs into the fire, Jean stroked absently over her belly. "Do you think something happened to them?" she asked when he looked out of the window and turned her head to meet his gaze.

"I don't know," Logan shrugged. "I hope not…," he added mentally and sat down next to her. "Is he kickin' again?" he asked since she had this special look on her face again.

"Yeah," she nodded and placed his right hand on the spot. "He'll be a trouble maker later if he's already that active…," she added amused and he smiled, too. While he stroked over her belly again and could feel once more how the baby was kicking, he couldn't help but remember the first time she had felt movement inside of her. It had been somewhere around the fifth month of her pregnancy…

After taking a shower and getting ready for bed, Logan left the bathroom just to freeze on the spot since she stood at the wardrobe, one hand supported her against the door while the other was on her belly. He noticed the weird look on her face. "Somethin' wrong?" he asked and suddenly felt very worried. He knew the danger of living in the mountains while she was pregnant with their child. If something went seriously wrong, they were in more than a lot of trouble.

"No…," Jean replied with a brief look at him as he came closer.

"What is it then?" he asked and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know…" She shrugged and looked at her belly. "But it feels strange…"

"What's strange?"

She raised her head to meet his gaze again. "This feeling. It's weird…"

"Feelin'?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow. "What's it like?"

"I don't know," Jean replied and lowered her gaze again. "It feels like…" Her eyes traveled around the room in search for the right words. "It's like the movement of water. As if you touch the surface when it's still and it produces waves against your palm…"

"Waves, eh?" She nodded and allowed him to lead her over to the bed. "So…everything's fine? You're alright, right?" he asked insecurely and not really convinced.

Smiling, the redhead nodded. "Yeah. It's only the baby moving."

Logan lowered his eyes to her belly before he looked into her green pools again. "Ya sure?"

She laid down and nodded. "Yes. We're fine." She patted the side next to her. "Come on."

Smirking he moved over and laid down next to her. "Could never reject your requests, darlin'."

Jean smiled and switched the lamps off mentally before she wrapped her arms around his waist and was pulled close by him…

"What are you thinking about?" Jean suddenly asked while stroking through his hair and awoke him from his daydream.

"Nothin'," Logan waved off and changed his position into a straight one. "Ya know… We've to move down soon."

She nodded but held her eyes fixed on the ground. "I know…" She nodded again absently. "It's only four weeks left…"

"That's the point," Logan replied with a look at her. "The doc said it could also happen earlier… So we should think about leavin' in the next three days." Waiting for a reaction of her he reached out to touch her cheek. "So, what do ya think?"

"That you're right," Jean answered and looked into his eyes. "I was thinking about the same earlier."

"Tom offered us to stay in his apartment," he went on and paid brief attention to the fire in front of them. "He said we can come around whenever we want to, so…what do ya think?"

Heaving a deep sigh she ran both hands through her face. "I think we should leave in two days."

He nodded. "Good," Logan said and nodded at something in a corner behind her. "I heated the water for ya. So ya can go take a shower."

"You think about everything, hm?" she teased him and took the hand he offered her to help her up. He only smirked and kissed her softly.

As they'd decided, they left the cabin two days later to descend the mountain. Since it was way too exhausting for Jean to even stand longer than five minutes, they'd gotten a small wooden sledge on which she sat while he pulled it through the snow. Taking her time to look around the white landscape, Jean couldn't believe how fast time had passed. On the one hand it seemed to have happened yesterday that she'd come back from the dead, on the other hand it was more than a year ago. In a few weeks they'd be parents and maybe in a few more weeks afterwards they'd finally reach their target and could start a new life in Australia, far away from the danger on this continent. "Ya alright?" she heard Logan asking and turned her head quickly, just to see him giving her his casual cocked eyebrow, which could mean a lot, but in her case now it said that he was worried.

"Yes, I'm fine," she tried to soothe him. "Do you need a break?" she added after a moment, since he was already pulling the sledge for nearly three hours through the thick snow and with her, weighting more than usual, on it, but Logan only chuckled.

"A break?" he asked her rather amused. "Me?"

"It was just a thought," the redhead smiled and he turned around again to look at their way.

"Don't worry about me, darlin'," he smirked. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Good to hear that…"

Again he chuckled. "Why? Did ya make plans for me today?"

"Maybe…," she said amused and leant back a bit again to ease the pressure on her belly.

After two more hours they finally reached the village and stopped in front of the small shop in which the old Tom worked and where they usually bought wither snacks, sweets, drinks or something to read.

"I was already wondering when the two of you would show up," he greeted them with a smile and beckoned them to follow him to a backdoor. "I just made myself a hot tea. As frozen as you look like you should better drink something from it." Quickly filling two cups with the steaming liquid he handed each of the one.

"Thanks," Logan said and helped Jean to sit down on a stool.

"If you watch over the shop for…let's say 15 minutes, I'll go upstairs and prepare your rooms," Tom suggested and Jean couldn't help but giggle.

"Don't you need your customers anymore?" she asked and earned a cocked eyebrow from Logan.

"What's that supposed to mean?" this one asked her playfully outraged, but she waved off.

"Nothing. I'm only hinting to your good way with people."

Smiling Tom winked at her. "I haven't thought about this."

"Ts," Logan huffed and walked past him. "I'm gonna play guard-dog then," he grunted leant onto the counter while the old man excused himself and disappeared through another door.

"Be nice, Logan!" Jean reminded him as she heard the little bell above the door and couldn't hide her grin as she got a low growl back in response.

"Hey, d'ya guys sell Heineken?" she heard a man asking after a moment.

"Don't know," Logan grunted and eyed the customer suspiciously when this one came closer.

"What d'ya mean ya don't know?" this one asked him slightly angered.

"Ya can read, right? If nothin' says Heineken we don't have it!"

In the next room Jean buried her face in one hand and shook her head with a loud sigh.

"What kina figure are ya, man?" the man asked and crossed his arms while his eyes glared in the same way at Logan as he way staring back.

"I'm just the sub, bub," Logan grunted. "So buy somethin' and stop askin' stupid questions." After letting out a snort the man turned around and left.

"Whatever we're going to do in Australia for a living, Logan," Jean said and he looked at her as she stood at the door all of a sudden. "…remind me that we won't have a store and if…then you're not working in it!"

"Why not?" he asked with a grunt and crossed his arms. "This guy was stupid!"

Shaking her head sighing she turned as Tom reappeared. "Okay, your rooms are ready. I just filled the fridge yesterday, so in the case you're hungry just take what you need," he said and earned a smile and hug from Jean.

"Thank you so much."

He waved off. "See it as a reward for Logan," he smiled and patted the taller man's shoulder. "Let's say for listening to me and staying with you. Right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Logan waved off and joined the redhead. "I'd have stuck to her anyway."

"I hope so," the older man laughed. "And don't worry. If someone asks, I don't know the two of you."

"Thanks, mate," Logan nodded and led Jean upstairs where she sank onto the double bed exhausted.

"Don't get me wrong, but I'm happy when this is over," she sighed.

"Ah, come on," he mocked her playfully while getting dry clothes for them out of the duffle bag. "I know perfectly well that ya enjoy bein' babied by me."

"Busted," she smiled.

"Here, change your clothes."

She took the pants and shirt from him and allowed him to pull her up before she began to undress herself. "So after knowing Tom for nearly 10 years by now you finally made him happy, hm?" Jean asked and let the old clothing fall to the ground. "What do you do that he's so happy to see you being with me?"

He put hi sold clothing into a bag without turning around. "Ya don't wanna know…"

"Actually I do. I wouldn't be asking otherwise."

Logan turned around to get her clothes from the ground. "You'll have a bad impression afterwards, darlin'. Don't forget I'm the bad guy here."

Watching him, Jean sat down on the bed and went under the sheets. "You said _I could be the good guy_," she replied and he turned to give her a cocked eyebrow. "So you can't be the bad guy."

"Wrong," he corrected her. "I said I _could_ be the good guy. Never said I was."

"Try me," Jean demanded when he walked over to the window.

"Well, what do ya wanna hear?" he asked in hope she would just leave it.

"The truth…," she said instead and he sighed, still scanning the snowy street for anything suspicious underneath them.

"Lots of drinkin', lots of fightin', lots of girls. Satisfied?"

Jean looked at his back for a while. The tone in which he's said it told her that he didn't like to talk about it. At the same time she felt confused. She's visited the Professor after reading Logan's mind for the first time and what she'd seen had disturbed her a lot. What had he said again? _If you start reading minds, I suggest you begin with a safer one than Logan's_. Before that she'd told him how much violence and blood had been in his memory. But the thing that had disturbed her the most was the strong contrast to this dark and dangerous side: she'd also sensed a great sense of honor and gentleness. Back then she couldn't understand how one and the same person could consist of such strong different poles. Now she did… "Well, I still don't understand what's so special about cage fights," Jean finally answered and frowned as she noticed the look he gave her. "What?"

"What did ya just say?!" he asked as if he was brain dead all of a sudden.

"Cage fights," she said once more. "What's so special about them?"

Giving a short laugh, Logan shook his head. "I tell ya about much alcohol and chicks and you're scolding me about cage fights?!" he asked in disbelief.

"It doesn't matter because you're not doing it anymore," she replied. "But still the cage fights…"

"Yeah, 'cause it's an easy way to make money quickly."

"But you get hurt and hurt others," she gave back. "So what's so special about it?"

Thinking about it for a moment, he sat down next to her. "It helps getting' rid of stress," was all he said for a moment. "And it helps me to keep Wolverine down. He sometimes needs to come out to play… It's just somethin' I need, okay?" Waiting for her to reply he was surprised when she smiled. "What?"

"As long as you're not taking Johnny with you…," Jean said and kneaded her hands briefly.

"Are ya kiddin'? He'll be my mascot!" Logan teased her and she giggled. "I won't. I promise," he added afterwards and kissed her. "Ya should sleep. I promised Tom to repair his car." Getting up he took his leather jacket from the ground. "Just call me if somethin's wrong, okay?"

"Yeah." Nodding she laid down and tried to get comfortable. After he was gone she summoned the remote control to come over to her and began to switch through the channels. While her eyes stared at the screen without really seeing anything for real, she kept on thinking about what he'd just told her. She knew he was used to this way of living. There hadn't been much in his life before except the previous mentions drinks, fights and girls and his constant restless moving from one place to the next. While her hand rested on her belly she sighed and wondered if he could ever get used to a normal life with a family and normal work. At least she wasn't willing to stay at home and take care of Johnny while he was out drinking and fighting. And she also didn't want him to change his life for her only. It wouldn't make him happy and probably destroy what they had. "We've to talk with your daddy, sweetheart," Jean sighed and patted her belly gently. "I'm convinced he's capable of making you his mascot while fighting…"

"_What are those thoughts, darlin'?"_ she suddenly heard him asking mentally and blushed. She hadn't noticed that she hadn't blocked her thoughts.

"_Did you hear everything?"_ she asked in hope that he hadn't, but he taught her otherwise.

"_From the beginnin' to the end,"_ he replied and she sighed. _"Don't worry about me. I'm perfectly fine with how things are at the moment."_

"_You jus said it,"_ Jean answered. _"At the moment... But what about the near future and our family?"_ She waited for his response but it took a while before he answered.

"_Let's talk about it later, darlin'. I can't concentrate on my work with you bein' in my head and all." _

"_Okay,"_ she said rather disappointed since she'd heard the weird undertone in her mind. _"I'll sleep a bit…"_

"_Good."_

Switching off the television Jean laid down and pulled the sheets close. They really had a lot to talk about, she thought, and his response wasn't making it easier. With those thoughts in her mind, she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

**That's it for today. As far as I planned yesterday there will be three more parts and then this story is done. I hope you can forgive me that you guys had to wait so long for an update. I'm also currently typing on Changes and by now I'm on page 19, so there should be an update at least next week, even if the chapter gives me a headache. I don't know why it's suddenly so hard to write on that story at all. : ( Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading and will review on it! ; ) See ya!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Love and Pain lie close together**

"I thought you might want one," Tom said and offered Logan, who still had his nose inside of the car, a beer.

After wiping his hands clean on an already dirty towel, the other man took the bottle. "Thanks," he smiled and sipped on it.

"Does it work?" Looking inside the engine bay the older man still had hope that his car could be repaired. He couldn't afford a new one and needed a car to supply his shop with goods.

"Actually I'm done," Logan replied and put the bottle away. "Try to start the engine."

Doing so, Tom couldn't hide his happy smile. "I can't thank you enough, Logan!" he said and laid a hand onto the other man's shoulder. "You just saved my shop."

Waving off Logan closed the hood. "It's me who has to thank ya."

"Not really, my boy," the older man smiled. "That's what friends are for."

"Still, you're riskin' a lot…"

Tom waved off and beckoned him to follow him back inside. "Don't worry about that. I know you long enough by now to know that you're not dangerous. And your beautiful girl needs as little stress as possible." He closed the door behind him with a knowing smile. "And mutants have to help another, right?"

Staring at him in shock, Logan's jaw dropped. "You're…"

"A mutant? Yes, I am. But not a very powerful one," the other man answered.

Making an impressed face Logan locked the front door of the shop before he followed him upstairs. "And ya know that we're…"

"Mutants, too?" Tom finished the question. "Yes. That's my power. I can sense other mutants around me."

"Ya never said anythin'…"

"Why should I?" he laughed. "Who cares if someone's a mutant or not? I don't." He stopped in the kitchen and began to prepare dinner. "So… Are you already getting nervous?"

Taking a knife to peel the potatoes Logan gave a short laugh. "Are ya kiddin'? I feel like bein' half way in hell…"

Laughing, too, Tom shook his head. "I know. I felt the same way when my daughter was born."

"You've a daughter?" Logan asked in surprise since the man had never lost one word about it.

Nodding, but suddenly with a rather sad expression on his face, Tom put the potatoes into the hot water. "Yes, I had. Jennifer…"

"What happened?" Waiting for a reply the other man prepared the meat.

"She ran into some mutant haters while we still lived on the east coast. I was stuck in traffic and didn't reach her school in time," Tom explained with his eyes fixed on his work. "So when I reached our home again I received a call that she was found in some alley…"

"I'm sorry," Logan said clearly touched after hearing this and felt anger rising again. "How old was she?"

"8…" Heaving a deep breath Tom managed to give him a weak smile. "So make sure to watch over your girl and child."

"Bet on that," Logan replied with a grim look. He'd be damned if he ever let voluntarily happen to his family. He'd rather die trying to protect them as that he would watch them getting hurt.

"Do you already know what's it going to be?" Tom asked after a moment.

"A boy."

"What else?" he winked. "Did you try to reach your friends again?"

Logan shook his head as he got three plates our of a cup board. "No, but I wanted to call them in two days again. Jeannie needs to do the last check up then."

Nodding Tom leant against the table. "Well, I hope they can help you."

"Me, too…," Logan mumbled absently. "Me, too…"

When she awoke later due to someone stroking over her cheek, Jean blinked before she looked up into Logan's face. "Sleepyhead," he teased with a smirk. "Dinner's ready."

"Already?" she asked sleepily and sat slowly up into a straight position, wondering why he chuckled in amusement.

"Already?!" Logan repeated with an even wider smirk. "Ya slept for nearly five hours, darlin'. It's past 7."

After staring at him for a while Jean looked out of the window and noticed that it was already dark. "Really?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "C'mon." Offering her his hands he pulled her up and led her to the kitchen where they ate first, before they helped to wash the dishes and went back to their room. In it they sat on the bed together and watched TV as Logan spoke up. "We wanted to talk," he reminded her calmly and kept on stroking through her long hair.

"I know," she replied while she sat between his legs and leant against his chest.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Ya know what," he gave back and stopped his caressing. "Why did ya have these thoughts earlier?"

Sighing Jean switched off the television mentally. "Because it's the truth, Logan."

"What's the truth?"

"You can't go on with what you do after the baby's born," she said.

Shrugging he pulled the pillow behind him more into his back. "Never said I intended to."

"And that's the problem!" Turning around as good as she could, Jean met his confused eyes. "You can't change that so easily from one day to the next. You're used to this kind of like for years…"

He gave a short laugh. "I wouldn't call what I've a life, darlin'," he replied. "It's just that I never knew what to do with my so-called life…"

"And now?" Jean asked seriously and held his gaze when he touched her cheek.

"Now there's you and the kid," Logan said calmly. "And as soon as we've gotten outta here and married, I'll go and find a decent job."

Just looking at him for a while she tilted her head a bit. "You're sure you want this?" she asked. "I mean, giving up everything you're used to for years?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "It's not that difficult, believe me. And it's not that I never had a decent job, darlin'."

"Really?" she asked surprised and he chuckled.

"Yeah, believe it or not, but I worked in a garage before," he grinned. "Why else do ya thing I can repair those darn things, huh?" Nodding impressed she moved over to lay down next to him. "Somethin' wrong?" Logan asked after a moment and supported his head with one arm after laying down, too. "Ya look tensed."

After trying to find a more comfortable position, Jean finally gave up and sighed. "I don't know," she shrugged and looked at him while one hand rested on her belly.

"But somethin's not right," he remarked worriedly.

"It pushes more on my pelvis…," Jean replied after a moment. "I think he's turned already…"

"Then tell him daddy kicks his butt if he dares to come earlier," he said and reached out to touch her belly. "Then ya better stay in bed, huh?"

"Would you mind if we go to my doctor tomorrow instead of the day after I want to be sure that everything's alright."

He reached over her to switch the lights off and pull the sheets over them afterwards. "Sure," Logan said and kissed her. "Wake me if somethin's wrong, will ya?"

"Yeah," she nodded and cuddled up to him. "Night."

Kissing her forehead again before he pulled her closer, he rested his head on one arm. "Night."

* * *

"You were right," the doctor said and switched off the monitor. "The already lays with its head down." 

Jean turned her head to look rather frightened at Logan, who sat on a stool next to her and held her hand. "That means?" he asked and furrowed his brows, hating that one always had to ask instead of just getting things explained.

The doctor got up to walk over to his desk and looked into a file. "It can mean that contractions will start soon," he replied and the redhead let out a frustrated sign. "But this is not necessary." He then walked over to a cupboard. "You said you live opposite this street, right?"

"Yeah," Logan nodded and took the tissues from Jean to wipe her belly clean. "Why?"

"In case something happens, I'll prepare everything. If she has contractions, just call me and I come over to check on her." When he turned he saw the look on the woman's face and gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. We'll make it. Just make sure you lay down in bed and only move around if it s really necessary!" He watched how Logan helped the redhead up and supported her with one arm. "Or make your husband carry you," he added amused. "See you around then."

"Have ya heard?" Logan said to her with a smile in hope to cheer her up as they were back down on the street. "Husband." She nodded weakly and looked down the street. "Oh and by the way," he added and made her stop. "Ya shouldn't do this."

"Do what?" Jean frowned and let out a shriek when he pulled her carefully up. "Logan! What are you doing?"

"Carry ya as your doc had suggested," he replied with a smirk and crossed the street.

"You don't have to carry me in public," she gave back in a half whisper, but wrapped her arms around his neck to hide her blushed cheeks.

"Nope," he shook his head. "He said only walk if necessary so get used to me carrying ya."

"But I'm too heavy," she protested when he opened the front door of the shop, making him chuckle.

"Ya ain't, darlin'!" And with a smirk he added: "Or am I lookin' that weak by now?"

Smiling she shook her head and leant against his shoulder. "Maybe it's my fault," Jean suddenly mumbled after he'd placed her on the bed.

"What's your fault?" Logan asked with a frown and laid her jacket onto a chair. He watched how she began to lay down and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed.

"My body was pretty…messed up after I came back," she explained and stroked over her belly. "So maybe it's my fault that the baby's coming earlier."

"That's bullshit, Jeannie," he gave back. "Ya ain't responsible for how your body works. It's nature. Ya can't manipulate how it works…" Noticing her look he reached out to touch her cheek. "Hey, stop worryin'. Everythin' will be alright. You'll see…" He got a weak nod from her and got up. "Try to rest. I'll go and make somethin' to eat."

Jean heaved a deep sigh after she heard how the door was closed by him and stroked over her belly lost in thoughts. She really hoped that he was right and nothing would happen. They couldn't afford staying in the village for longer than necessary. Even if he tried to hide his nervousness, she could feel that he felt more than uncomfortable in leaving the house and exposing them to others. And by now it became harder and exhausting to shield them from everyone they ran into. Sighing again, she ran a hand through her tired face and stared at the ceiling. "Just do me a favor and wait at least two more weeks, okay?" Jean said more to herself and rested her hand on her belly.

* * *

After being carried around for a few more days not matter if it was to the kitchen, toilet or even if she wanted to get a magazine from the shop downstairs, Jean laid in bed at night and slept on her right side, while Logan was awake and stared at the ceiling. He couldn't tell why but somehow he was restless. A turn to the left made him curse in silence as he became aware of the clock next to him that reminded him of something he wanted to forget instantly. Instead of being awake for a few hours as he thought, only one hour had past since he'd woken up. Slowly, and trying not to wake Jean, he got up and walked over to the window to stretch his sore muscles and run a hand through his messy hair. One look was enough to tell him that the streets were empty as ever at that time. As his eyes caught the sight of the phone booth he recalled what James had told him a few days ago. Thankfully not they had been caught but a guy who had prepared their papers. As far as he'd understood he'd been arrested and was now held captive at some unknown place either in the US or Canada for interrogation. The luck was on their side since the guy didn't know for whom those papers were. Nevertheless, it had cost them a lot of time. The good thing was that James had already gotten new papers for them and Narya was already on her way to deliver them. So hopefully they would be able to leave the country as soon as their child was born. At least he wanted to believe this… 

Logan turned his head when he heard how Jean changed her position for the third time by now since he was staying at the window. He frowned when he saw her sitting up after a moment. "Is sometin' wrong?" he asked calmly in order not to startle her and walked over to switch a lamp on. His eyes rested on her for a moment, waiting for a reply when he noticed her tensed face. "Jeannie? What's wrong?" he asked again and kneeled down a bit to have a better look on her face.

"Can you call the doctor?" she asked while she heaved a very deep breath and to him it seemed as if her face was even more tensed that before.

"Why? Are ya in pain?" Logan asked, feeling suddenly scared as his heart skipped a beat.

"Not really, but I think the baby's coming." Jean turned her head and noticed his blank, but shocked look. "Logan, get up and call the doctor, now!" she repeated as slowly as she could in hope he would understand anything of it.

"Now?" was everything he was capable of asking in an almost high pitched voice and she would have laughed because of his odd look, if there hadn't shot a strong pain through her back and abdomen that caught her completely off guard. All she could do was to lean forward and clench her fists around the sheets that she held in her hand. "Damn it, go and call him!" she hissed with closed eyes and breathed in sharply.

Stumbling backwards and still with the feeling all of this wasn't happening and he was in fact sleeping, just with a very, very horrible nightmare, Logan swallowed hard and nodded. "'kay…," he managed to say hoarsely and somehow managed to reach a door and disappear behind it.

Staring at it in disbelief, Jean somehow felt a great anger rising within her. "That's the bathroom, Logan!" she barked as another labor hit her. "Damn it," she cursed and grabbed the bedside table hard to pull herself up. She didn't know how but somehow she managed to reach the correct door and let out a thankful sigh in relief as Tom walked past her. "Tom, would you please call the doctor?" she begged whining and gave him the most despaired look she was capable off, ignoring for a moment the fact that she wanted to choke a specific man close by. Not thinking twice after he understood what was happening, the older man turned and made his way to the kitchen to pick up the phone. With one hand on her belly and the other digging into the doorframe, she breathed in and out as good as possible and walked back to the bed. "And? Did you found the buttons on the soap?" she hissed cynically and glared at the man that reappeared from the bathroom. "Or did you use the shower head to call the doctor?" Way paler than usual Logan looked at the second, open door and was about to move into the direction as she spoke up. "What are you doing now?!"

"Gettin' a phone," he replied, not understanding why she was so mad all of a sudden.

"Just sit down and shut up!" Jean demanded panting. "Don't dare to move, speak or even breathe. Just sit down and stay there…"

"Jean, the doctor is coming," Tom suddenly said from the door and briefly switched his gaze from the woman on the bed to the frozen on the spot man at the bathroom door. "What are you doing, Logan?" he asked with a frown.

"Huh?" this one asked confused and was dragged over to the bed next by the older man.

"Hold your girl's hand," Tom said and went into the bathroom to get towels. "Do you need anything?" he asked Jean after coming back. "Something to drink?"

"No," the redhead hissed through clenched teeth. "Just make sure he stays where he is now…"

Smiling Tom turned around as he heard the knock on the door. "I'll be right back."

Not knowing what to do or say, Logan just remained where he was and stared at the woman next to him. To him it still appeared as if he was standing in a corner and watched instead of sitting here and holding her hand. He felt completely lost and knew he'd never been that scared, confused and nervous before. He wasn't a great thinker sometimes but right now his brain had shut down completely. "Are ya okay?" he asked and still tried to figure out if it was freezing cold in this room all of a sudden or if he was really shaking. "Is it painful?" Asking it he wished instantly to vanish when her head shot up and two angry eyes burned into his.

"Logan…," Jean panted in an unusual low voice. "If you want that your son ever gets to know you…shut….up!"

"I just…"

"Shut up!"

"But, Jeannie…," he tried again and quickly ducked as a pillow flew his way.

"SHUT UP, Logan!" she roared and let out a hiss in the next second. "Damn it…" When she looked up again as the lamp at the ceiling was switched on, she could have sworn that she'd never been so happy in her whole life to see a doctor. "Thank God… Please make him shut up!" she cried and covered her face with her hands.

Being confused the doctor dropped his bag on the bedside table and gave Logan a look. "I see. He asked the stupid question, right?" he asked with a short laugh and heard the woman groaning in frustration.

"Not only that," the redhead said and dropped her hands to her side.

"Which stupid question?" Logan asked and watched how the other man pulled Jean's shirt up to check on the baby. "Is she alright?"

"Exactly that question, Logan!" Tom laughed. "You just did the biggest mistake possible while a woman gives birth!"

"Eh?"

Jean reached out to touch the doctor's arm in complete frustration. "Could you anesthetize him?"

He gave a short laugh. "I doubt that you'll be so happy with it later."

"I'm sure about it," she gave back and grabbed the sheets and Logan's hand hard again.

"Not so hard!" Logan hissed and gritted his teeth. "Ow!"

"If you think that was painful, Logan, then let's switch roles!" Jean snapped at him during another labor pain.

After finishing his examination the doctor gave her a nod. "The baby is still in the correct position, but it will take some hours before it'll start," he informed her. "I have everything here, so if the pains become too much just let me know, okay?" She nodded quickly and tried to get back to her normal breathing.

After two hours Jean thought that she was doing better again and finally managed to feel a bit of sympathy for Logan next to her who hadn't moved an inch from her side and had finally stopped asking stupid questions. He was rather occupied in keeping his hand she held in one piece. After five hours she reached a mental state again that made her snap at Logan again, before she changed her mood from biting his head of into crying and cursing after ten hours. From hour eighteen onwards, every attempt to relax only for a second was completely useless and not even the liquid the doctor injected her against the pains seemed to help, the same referred to Logan, who was sitting behind her while she rested between his legs, and kneaded her shoulders. At least, she thought, he finally understood what was going on and tried his best to support her. "I want to kill you," Jean hissed a few hours later and rolled her head to the other side while her eyes were closed. "I really want to kill you…"

"You're doin' fine," he tried to soothe her and cooled her flushed cheeks. But still he felt the strong urge to release the stress the whole situation caused within him. Not only he, but also the Wolverine, were closer to the edge of their patience as ever before by seeing in how much pain and stress their mate was. When he put the flannel aside he began to frown. "You're shakin'," Logan noticed and touched her cheeks with his free hand. "And feverish…" He looked up when the doctor came back in to check on her again. "She's burnin' up."

"Let's see," the man said and checked on her pulse and temperature quickly. "It's the exertion. She has no fever. Do you feel dizzy or anything, Jean?"

"No," she replied weakly and leant her head onto Logan's other shoulder again. "God, how long is still taking?" she whined in the next second and squeezed Logan's hand again.

"Maybe two or three hours," the doctor replied after checking again. "Try to relax as good as possible and don't forget to control your breathing."

Making a frustrated face when the man left again, Jean sighed. "Did he just say two or three hours?" she asked in despair and tried to look at Logan.

"You're doin' fine, Jeannie," Logan said calmly and pulled strands out of her face. "C'mon, you already came that far, so ya can do the rest, too."

"But not another two or three hours…," she cried and rested her head on his other shoulder again.

"'f course ya can," he tried to soothe her and stroked over her arm. "Just squeeze my hand t'd death and go on giving me death threats."

"You know," she said weakly. "I liked you more when you asked stupid questions…" He chuckled. "At least I had a reason then to be mad with you…"

Smirking he cooled her skin again. "Are ya in pain, darlin?"

"Shut up, Logan!" Jean cursed.

After another three hours she could finally start threatening again. While pushing, Jean began to imagine the most violent and painful deaths for the man behind her, even if he tried to help her through this last stage as good as he could. She soon reached her "I hate you" and "You're never going to touch me ever again"-stage once more and wished he would just drop dead instantly, as she herself let out a painful short cry when she thought again she was being torn apart. When Jean dropped back against Logan's chest again, panting, seating and slightly shaking, she was about to snap at him again as she noticed his shocked stare. Confused she looked up to see how the doctor laid a crying and wet small being on her still quickly raising and falling chest, before her mind finally registered what it was. "Oh my God…," she gasped and didn't even dare first to reach out and touch the small head. Soon, she couldn't help but start crying as her whole world fell apart and everything she's been through before suddenly hit her. She didn't hear how the doctor confirmed that it was the expected boy, nor did she notice that he took the baby a few minutes later to make sure that everything was alright with him. All she could think about was that she was a mother now and the responsibility she now had. When the doctor came back with her son and laid the baby back into her arms, Jean finally managed to look up into Logan's face and frowned. She hadn't noticed before that he had rested one elbow on his left leg and that his face was covered with his left hand. "Logan?" she asked calmly and reached out to touch his left arm, trying to pull his hand away to know what he was thinking. She bit her lip when he met her gaze with red and wet eyes and she practically felt how her heart skipped a beat. Heaving a deep breath he leant forward to wrap one arm around her chest and bury his face on her shoulder. "Softy…," she teased him even if she was crying silently, too and leant her head against his to enjoy the feeling of peace a bit more.

A few hours later, after the doctor was gone and she'd taken a bath before she'd gone back to a fresh covered bed, Jean smiled at Tom, who was waiting for her with bunch of flowers and a small package. "Congratulation," he smiled and hugged her. "The daddy is still sitting and staring I see."

"Yes," she nodded and gave Logan, who sat on the bed with his sleeping son in his arms, an amused look. "I think he will still be sitting there until tomorrow."

Laughing quietly Tom nodded. "You could be right." He nodded at the package, which she began to open. "It is not much. I hope you like it."

"This is wonderful," Jean gasped and gave the clothing a happy look. "Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it," he waved off. "You should try and sleep. And don't worry if you sleep through the whole day." Winking at her he went over to the door. "Good night!"

"Night," she smiled when he closed the door calmly and put the package aside before she turned to Logan. "You're still alive, aren't you?"

"Look at him," he replied in barely more than a whisper and carefully stroked over the boy's rich dark hair. "He's gorgeous, ain't he?"

Shaking her head with an amused smirk, the redhead went under the sheets. "So I assume this is your third stage of shock, hm?" she mocked him playfully and recalled when he first didn't understand that the baby was on its way, then that the baby was born and now that it was in his arms. "Logan, come on. Lay him down in the middle and sleep."

Reluctantly doing it, he placed the baby in their middle and bent carefully over it to kiss her softly. "Thank you," he smiled and she could tell that she'd never seen such a normal smile of him that was so free from any stress, depression or dark memories. It was just him being completely happy and at peace.

"For what?" Jean asked calmly and held his gaze.

"For everythin'," he smiled and kissed her again. "I love ya…"

Covering his hand with hers, she looked at the baby. "I love you, too."

"Really?" he asked and cocked an eyebrow at her. "As far as I recall you gave me at least 50 threats of murder, darlin'."

"I plead for an acquittal," she assured him and made him chuckle before he laid back down.

"Good to know that," Logan smirked and gave his son a last look before he closed his eyes. "Night."

"Night." Jean pulled the sheets closer and switched the lamps off mentally. "Oh and I am right that it's you who gets up every time when he's crying, right?"

"Jean…," he growled. "Shut up!"

* * *

After staying three more days at Tom's apartment they decided it was time to go back to the cabin. They knew it would be the last time they saw the old man, since they didn't intend to come back. After reaching the cabin, they'd planned to stay there for one more day before they would take the next plane or ship to Asia to get the money from Madripoor, before they would travel to Australia, where they could hopefully start a new life in peace. "Remember what I said Logan," Tom had warned him once more when it was time to say good-bye. "Watch over her and your son!" 

"I will," Logan had assured him and hugged him briefly. "Thanks again for everythin', Tom. I owe ya a lot!" The old man had only waved off and wished them good luck before Jean had embraced and thanked him, too, and they had turned to walk back to their hiding place. While she held their son tight to her body and tried to shield him from the cold with her powers, Loan carried a bag full of food and drinks for their journey. "You'll be alright?" he asked her concerned, but she only nodded as they entered the wood that would lead up to the lake which was close to the cabin. "Let me know if ya need…," he began as he suddenly stopped. Not reckoning with it, since she had looked down on their son, Jean bumped into his back.

"What's wrong?" she asked and looked past him, just to stare at the girl in front of them that wore a tight black suit.

"Logan?" Rogue only asked, obviously as shocked as the couple was and turned her head when she heard others approaching…

**Yes, I am evil. ; ) But I can assure you that this cliffie was planned even before I started posting chapter two. So, I hope that I can post the last two chapters tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed, guys! ; ) Please review!! See ya!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: **As I promised yesterday, here it is. ; ) Thanks to all reviewers!!

**Love and Pain lie close together**

"Logan…," Rogue gasped and stared at the couple in shock. She turned her head when she heard the others coming closer. "You've to run!" she said and switched her gaze back to them.

"What're ya doin' here?!" Logan growled low and stepped in front of Jean and their baby for protection. "How did ya find us?!"

"We didn't," the girl explained while her heart was racing in her chest and quickly turned her head as she heard the voices over her headset. "God, I can't believe that…" She ran a hand through her face.

"Rogue!" he grunted and felt how Jean pressed into his back. "Who told ya we're here?!"

"It was an accident, Logan! We didn't know you were really here," the girl tried to explain. "Mrs. Munroe had the idea that if you were here at least Jean would need a doctor. So she asked one."

"Fuck!" Logan cursed before he switched his gaze to a spot behind her.

"It's my fault…," Jean whispered. "I'm sorry, Logan… This is my fault." She pulled the still sleeping baby closer and stared at the snowy ground.

Giving her a look he shook his head. "No it ain't…," he replied calmly and turned when Rogue touched his arm.

"Logan, you have to leave!" she reminded him. "Those soldiers have the order to kill both of you…"

While Jean's head shot up and she gave her a frightened look, he looked rather unimpressed. "Kill us?!" Logan asked indifferent. "How? She'll blast them if I don't get my claws on them first."

But Rogue shook her head. "They have weapons to kill you, believe me. They made a guy named Forge create something to destroy the adamantium within you. I don't know what it is, but I heard them say it would work," she replied before she began to push him after turning around again. "Please go!"

"How many of them are here?" he asked while he began to pull Jean with him.

"6 X-Men and 15 soldiers," Rogue said and gave him another sign to go. "Please, Logan, just go! The two of you have to go!" With tears in her eyes she beckoned them to leave. "Please be careful…"

He nodded and gave her a brief smile, knowing full well that it would be the last time they would see each other. While she watched them leaving, she heard someone approaching again and turned around. "Bobby!" Rogue called as the young man became visible between the trees, followed by Kitty and Peter.

"What's wrong?" he asked as they stopped next to her. "We were looking for you. What…"

"You have to take care of their traces," she cut him off and pointed at the clearly visible footprints in the snow. "Quickly, before the others are here!" Confused, since he didn't understand what had gotten into her all of a sudden, Bobby exchanged a look with his remaining two friends. "Bobby!" Rogue said again and grabbed his arm. "Please, they will kill them!"

"They are really here?" Kitty asked surprised. "You saw them?"

"Bobby, please!" the other girl went on, just ignoring her friend's question. "We've to help them!"

"Rogue, you've heard what Mrs. Munroe said," the addressed replied calmly. "You know the consequences if we help them…"

"He's right," Peter nodded. "We can't…"

"They have a baby!" Rogue intervened with tears in her eyes and the others looked at her in shock. "Please, Bobby! They will kill them…," she pleaded once more and stared at him in despair. Looking back, clearly feeling uncomfortable, the young man finally reached out and covered the visible traces with ice. He stopped just in time to see Ororo and Hank stopping next to them.

"Have you seen them?" she asked but the younger X-Men shook their heads. "Damn it. They already become more than impatient." With her gloved hands on her hips she sighed while taking a look around.

"Maybe the doctor was wrong," Kitty suggested with a shrug.

"No, he wasn't. I've seen the file," Hank said.

"But maybe she only visited him one and they are already somewhere else," Rogue added in hope they could buy some time somehow. "It's possible, isn't it?"

"Marie…," Ororo said in a rather strict voice and looked into her eyes. "I asked you before we left if you know about the consequences and you said yes. I then asked you if you could deal with the whole situation, since he's your friend, and you said yes…"

"And I can!" Rogue gave back slightly angered. "But this doesn't change the fact that this whole hunt is completely pointless! They've done nothing wrong!"

Stepping forward the taller woman stared at her. "You know the consequences for us!"

"But she's right!" Kitty intervened. "Neither Logan or Mrs. Grey have done anything wrong…"

Hank steppe forward and between them. "You've been there, Kitty! You've seen what she's done! The law exists only because of what she and the Brotherhood did."

"Still it is unfair!" the girl snapped and turned away from him.

Not saying anything first, Peter exchanged a look with Bobby, who still felt uncomfortable. "How exactly do they want to kill them anyway?" he asked out of curiosity, since he and his friends didn't know and looked to and fro between them. "I mean Mrs. Grey can't be touched that easily and Logan is impossible to be killed."

Hank walked past him without looking at them. "They have their ways…," was all he said as his headset cracked. He touched it with his fingers and sighed.

"What's wrong?" Ororo instantly asked and joined his side.

"They've found footprints of two persons," he replied grimly. "Let's go!"

* * *

"Damn it," Logan cursed and disappeared behind the tree again. "They're cutting our way off." He exchanged a short glance with Jean, who still held their baby tight.

"Is there another way around?" she asked but he shook his head.

"Too far away… We'd have to surround the whole lake." Cursing under his breath he looked at the 8 soldiers again, feeling how Jean stepped a bit closer. "I know what you're thinkin'," he went on with a short look at her. "But there are more of them close by. Attackin' them would only raise the attention of the others."

"But what can we do then?" she asked concerned. "We can't wait forever for them to go away…"

He furrowed his brows and switched his attention to his left. "Storm and the others are coming from there," he told her and she followed his eyes. "We've no other choice but go that way…" He pointed into the opposite direction.

Thinking about it for a moment, Jean gave him a look. "Take him."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Why?!"

"Take him back to the cabin…"

"And what exactly do ya intend to do?!" Logan asked frowning and gave her a confused look.

Jean, with her eyes fixed on the soldiers, avoided his gaze. "I'll stop them…"

"Forget it, Jean!" he instantly said and shook his head. "Not gonna happen!"

She turned her face into his direction with a determined look on it, one that he definitely didn't like. "I can't use my powers with him on my arms. If she takes over I might hurt him."

"Same here!" Logan gave back. "I can't use my claws while carryin' him either. And besides I ain't gonna let ya fight here!"

Sighing, she briefly turned away. "Logan,…this is not about us right now!" Jean replied and held his glare. "All that matters is Johnny. Not us… He needs at least one of us to survive…"

With a grim look on his face he stepped closer, unwilling to give in to her demand. "Then take him and go!"

She shook her hand. "Logan, I can't provide him with anything. You can… You know where to go, you can find your way back to the cabin from here. I can't!"

"Jean…," he tried to protest but his resistance already became weaker. He knew she was right. Still he wasn't willing to give in so easily. He'd sworn to protect both of them and he would keep it.

Jean reached out and touched his cheek. "Logan, please… Take him and go back to the cabin to get our things," she begged him once more and he lowered his head in defeat. "I know you want to protect me. But what matters is him." She nodded at their son. "Let me deal with them…"

Logan turned his head as he heard the X-Men coming closer and quickly checked on the soldiers that where approaching, too. He could tell that someone must have noticed their traces in the snow and obviously they planned to regroup. If they stayed here for longer than maybe two minutes all three of them would be caught. His eyes stopped on hers. She was right, he knew that. With her powers she could get rid of them all at once. The only problem was that she hadn't used her powers in over a year by now. "Logan…," Jean awoke him from his thoughts and he noticed that she held their baby into his direction. Reluctantly, he took the boy and pulled him close before he closed his jacket again to protect him from the cold.

"We meet at Tom's later…," she said when he came a bit closer again.

After kissing her deeply he stared at her for a moment longer. "Don't dare not to show up, ya hear me?" he grunted, feeling that the whole thing was wrong. He shouldn't go. He should stay here.

Jean gave him a weak smile. "Be careful…"

He gave a short snort before he began to walk backwards. "This is wrong…"

"I know. But necessary." She noticed that he stopped again. "Go!"

"I love ya," Logan said, not knowing why but thinking that he had to. The gut feeling he had was just too weird to help him making any decision.

"And me you," Jean replied calmly, but with an odd smile. "Now go!"

Going two more steps backwards while his eyes were fixed on her as if to memorize something, eh suddenly turned around and disappeared into the thicket. He didn't see how Jean's eyes dropped to the ground as she leant back against the tree. She heard how the soldiers approached and it didn't take long for her to see the X-Men, who came closer from the other side. She knew she had to act, but also that she couldn't rely on the powerful source she'd used on Alcatraz. The part she'd banned into the farthest corner of her mind. If she did, she would cause more damage than she wanted to. She couldn't loose control over her actions and her rational way of thinking. Her heart pounded strongly in her chest when she looked aside. It would end soon, she reminded herself before she reached out to Logan through their bond. _"Promise me to proceed as planned,"_ she told him mentally and shut their link down before he could reply. Then, she stepped out of her hiding place to face the armed soldiers right in front of her…

He was jumping over a fallen tree as he could hear her in his head. The message was one thing, but the meaning he thought hidden behind it was another. Stopping instantly, Logan turned his head panting, his breath being reflected in the cold air and looked at the side of the lake where he knew she was. His mind was as much racing by now as his heart was. Both kept on telling him to turn around and head back, but then he recalled her words. She was right that their son mattered and not them. If it wasn't for the baby that rested against his chest, he wouldn't have run away. He'd always been a fighter, one that never gave up even if it was useless to go on with a battle. So what was he doing right now? Sighing, he turned his head and looked up the path they usually took to ascend the mountain in their way back to the cabin. If he chose that way he would reach it in about an hour and a half if he kept on running. If he went back her could stand at her side within a few minutes. "Damn it," Logan cursed and turned half around his axis, not knowing what to do. Both his hands pressed against the bulge in his leather jacket that the baby caused and he looked down on him, while he tried to decide what to do. If he got their things and Jean managed to kill those soldiers, they could take the next plane or ship out of here, but then again… He had no confirmation that Narya had made it and brought the necessary papers they needed to even get through an airport. If she'd been caught or even killed, they'd be stuck here anyway. He sighed and looked once more over the snowy landscape towards the spot between the trees where the lake was. The cloudy sky was already darkening. Soon, he knew, it would be too dark for any of them, except him, to see anything at all. By then it would also cool down too much for his son. Completely frustrated by now, Logan ran a hand through his damp hair. He'd never been that lost in his whole life. He always did what he thought was right. But then again, back then his decision had only affected him. Now it was a complete different situation. "Tell me what t'do, kiddo…," he said more to himself than the baby and was about to look down as he heard a giant explosion not far from him, which even made the earth shake to the spot where he was standing. When he looked up again, he only saw snow, almost like an avalanche, raising into the air and falling down again, while a red light glowed through the trees and thicket. With furrowed brows Logan switched his attention to the sky again and noticed that it was suddenly quickly darkening…

Jean saw the explosion coming. Far in the back of her head she heard the voice again that had led her on Alcatraz and promised power, felt the Phoenix' amusement about those soldiers that really tried to kill her with casual weapons. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one young soldier throwing a grenade at her and held up her hand to block the upcoming explosion. Soon afterwards she had to close her eyes as the loud sound echoed in her ears, before it sent snow raising high into the air. It was then that she noticed how the sky began to darken. She knew the source of it… With a last glare at the three soldiers on her right she sent them backwards through the wood until she heard a satisfying _thud_, as they hit a tree somewhere. When she turned around again her eyes fell on the six X-Men that took position on her left side, while the remaining soldiers pointed their weapons at her from her right.

"Where's Logan?" Storm demanded to know, her eyes shining white as she began to control the weather. T didn't take long and a thunderstorm was raging above their heads. "Where is he?!"

"What is it to you?" the redhead thought and narrowed her eyes to block another explosion behind her. She was aware of the fact that Logan would see and hear it. He only hoped he would just keep on running.

"Give up, Jean!" Beast barked to drown out the heavy storm. "It doesn't have to end this way… I can talk to the president!"

"This is ridiculous!" Shadowcat hissed with a look at Iceman, Rogue and Colossus.

"I wonder where Logan is…," Rogue mumbled and tried to see him somewhere in the thicket.

"Leave us alone!" Jean demanded suddenly and they felt how the earth began to shake before the water in the lake right behind the soldiers rose into the air.

Just give up!" Storm yelled and rose onto the air, too, to have better control over the thunderstorm. "You're outnumbered, Jean! It's useless!"

Feeling how the voice in her head became louder, Jean narrowed her eyes even more. "We'll see…," she hissed and spread her arms. The soldiers behind her gasped in surprise as they noticed how not only the water, but suddenly also snow, stones and other things around them began to float in the air. Some of them, mostly younger ones stumbled backwards in fear as the woman, they were supposed to kill, began to glow in a fiery light. All of a sudden they weren't so sure that it was really her that would die. "You!" Phoenix said and pointed at Rogue. "Go!" The younger X-Men exchanged a look, unsure of what to do. "I've no business with you, so leave!" they heard her hissing again and began to retreat.

"What are you doing?" Beast asked them angrily.

"Doing what is right," Rogue replied. "They are not my enemies!"

"And this whole thing is pointless," Shadowcat added.

Turning back to the woman in front of him, Beast began to snarl as he was suddenly blinded by light. Above him Storm had summoned her powers and struck with lighting wherever she could, but Jean blocked it, just to send a strong psychic wave of her own, which caught Storm off guard and made her fall to the ground. "Are you alright?" he asked and went over to help her. "We can't beat her that easily."

Holding her arm Storm got up. "She's not using her full power. She doesn't want to kill us."

"Fire!" one of the soldiers barked and they quickly jumped aside as bullets began to hit the spots on which they've stood before.

"Enough!" Phoenix hissed in anger and turned around to face them with fiery eyes.

"Surrender, woman!" one of the man barked and she noticed the strange looking weapon in his hands. Her eyes followed the yellow liquid that dropped slowly out of it and saw how it burned a hole into the ground. Becoming suspicious because of it, she reached out and touched the man's mind. Seeing what this liquid was and what it would do, or better for whom it was meant, her eyes grew wide first, just to narrow next. "This is not going to happen!" she hissed and raised her hand. Too late the soldiers saw how a giant wave of the lake splashed over and caught them off guard. Beast quickly took Storm into his arm and jumped at a tree to evade the attack that sent the soldiers crashing against the trees, while he saw that the younger X-Men were purposely guarded by Phoenix. His one made sure that all soldiers were taken out before she gave him and Storm a last glare, just to disappear through the thicket next.

"Damn it!" Beast cursed and released Storm after they stood on solid ground again. "What now?"

Only shaking her head and looking at him in despair, Storm ran a hand through her face. "We have to catch them… You've heard what else they'll do if we fail."

"I know," he replied grimly and lowered his head to look into the remains of the water. He felt how something hit his leg and bent down to get the odd looking weapon with the yellow liquid in it out of the muddy and cold water. He was about to look at Storm as a shot tore the air apart…

Hearing the shot, Logan froze on the spot and quickly began to try to locate the source. He'd listened to his gut feeling and was on his way back through the wood, but the darkness and dozen different smells made it the harder for him to find his way back. Especially since he knew that the fight hadn't taken place on once spot only. During it the participants had moved and he knew that he was still a few meters away from them. Above him the sky began to clear up, which was a sign for him that obviously either Storm had been hit or they were about to move and needed light to find their way. While walking, Logan began to wonder if it was Jean's doing that the boy remain calm and didn't start crying. He hoped so, since he couldn't afford to draw the attention on him now. His heartbeat was still out of control as he shoved branched out of his way. He concentrated on her scent while he noticed that he approached the lake again. His eyes took notice of the moon that became visible now and he cursed his former friends for picking the worst moment to locate them. If he ever got his hands on the doctor that had told them about their whereabouts… Logan shoved another branch out of his way to step into the open again and froze. Once more his brain seemed to have stopped working as fear began to accompany his suddenly even faster beating heart and he began to run, just to stop at the shore. As if everything was happening in slow motion all of a sudden, Logan began to kneel down, unable to look at anything else but the woman on the ground, whose empty eyes stared back at him without seeing him at all. Just then, the loud _click_ of a loaded weapon could be heard behind him…

**Just in case you guys intend to kill me, but the endings of the last, this and the next chapter, plus the epilogue were planned right after you guys asked for more after reading chapter 1. ; ) Hope you enjoyed reading and I'll start typing the next chapter now. So hopefully it should be up tomorrow. Please review and see ya!!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: **Stupid me!! I've forgotten something important in **Chapter 11**. The description of the baby's movement which Jean gives Logan in the short flashback, was one I got myself from a friend of mine when she was four months pregnant. I forgot to mention that! Yesterday she was complaining about the baby doing somersaults.

Funny thing is, the epilogue is already done. I wrote this chapter at night, since I couldn't sleep. LOL Hopefully both chapters will work out as I want them to. Have fun reading and please review!! ; )

**I just wanted to upload it and what happened? The server is down again and it doesn't work. : ( I had both (this chapter and the epilogue) finished on Wednesday. : (**

**Love and Pain lie close together**

While he stared down on her empty eyes, he heard the clicking sound a weapon made behind him. Right now he didn't care. Whoever it was he could shoot, stab or do whatever else he had in mind with him right now. All he could think about was the woman in front of him. Seeing her lying on the muddy ground, he refused to believe what his eyes told him was really there. With a shaky hand he reached out and pulled some of the red strands out of her cold and pale face. As his eyes traveled further down to her slightly parted lips, stopping at the small hole in her chest, which had soaked the clothes around it with blood, he still had the hope that everything was just a bad dream. He waited so much for the tiniest sound to escape her pale lips, even if his reason told him that this would never happen again. And he knew it was his fault. Everything that happened to her had to be blamed on him. It had been him who had left her alone, he had hesitated with running back and he had come too late. He'd not only failed his mate and to keep his promise, it was him who was responsible for killing his son's mother. Just as he'd bent down a bit more to caress her cold cheek, he heard some other clicking sounds around him.

"Hands behind your head!" one of the soldiers barked and pointed his weapon at Logan's back of the head. "I said hands behind your head and lay down on the ground," he said once more since his adversary didn't move an inch.

Logan raised his head a bit, seeing how he was surrounded by soldiers. He let his empty eyes travel around for a while, until he saw it. Light grayish hair, black suit and dark eyes. Beginning to growl he fixed his now furious looking eyes on the woman of whom he knew that she was the source of his personal hell. If she had just let them be, nothing of this would have happened. It had been her who had forced them to leave the mansion, if it hadn't been for her and the bluish beast next to her, they could have stayed and wouldn't have been forced to hide for months in the mountains, to live with the fear of being spotted one day… He bared his teeth as fury slowly began to take over and wanted to rise when she spoke up.

"Logan…," Storm said calmly and raised a hand to give him a sign that she didn't mean to attack him. "Please, just give up… Don't make the whole situation even worse."

Staying behind the soldiers, Rogue had her eyes fixed on her best friend, who still didn't move an inch and held his baby close to his chest. She panted heavily in fear, was afraid to hear a shot and see him falling, even if she knew a simple bullet couldn't kill him. But he'd kill them if the bullet accidentally hit his baby. Instinctively she made a step forward, but Bobby held her back with a shake of his head.

"Surrender!" the same soldier demanded and made a step forward, as Logan suddenly raised and turned to face all of them.

His snarl had stopped but the furious look in his eyes had become wild, cold and merciless. And Rogue knew what would happen now… "And then what?!" Logan growled in a low and almost inaudible voice. "Ya think ya killed my wife, so ya can kill me and my kid, too? Well, go ahead, bub."

"Kid?" Beast asked and exchanged a confused look with Storm, since he didn't understand what his former teammate meant. Had Jean been pregnant and been carrying his child when she'd died?

"Last warning!" the soldier cut him off from his thought and his head shot up again. "Surrender or we'll shoot!"

"Marie," Logan said instead and gave the girl a look. "Come here!"

Obeying she began to walk, but was held back by two soldiers. "Let her go!" Bobby yelled and tried to free her from the grip, but didn't succeed. "Damn it, let her go! You don't understand!"

"Step back!" another soldier demanded and pointed his weapon at him, as his comrades pushed Rogue back against Kitty.

"Bastard!" Kitty cursed and gave him a glare when she noticed Ororo's warning look. She switched her gaze to Logan, who was still waiting, before she gave Peter a sign to touch her arm. First confused, he soon understood what she wanted to do.

"It's my very last warning!" the soldier barked again. "You've ten seconds to lay down and put your hands behind your…" He stopped in surprise as all of a sudden two of the children reappeared in front of the mutant that they were ordered to kill and disappeared into the ground again, before he could say something. "What was that?!" he asked the two adult X-Men behind him.

"I don't know what this was about just now!" Storm gave back before her head jerked aside. "Bobby! Marie!" she called after the two X–Men as these suddenly disappeared between some trees. "What's going on here?!"

"I don't know…," Beast shrugged.

"If you're helping him," the soldier hissed and pointed at Logan while glaring at them. "You know what will happen then!"

"I can assure you that we're as confused as you," Beast tried to soothe him. "And we know the consequences. Why else do you think we're here?!"

"Captain!" one of the other soldiers suddenly yelled and the man turned quickly around, just to stare at six razor sharp claws.

"What the…," he began and gave the man and woman behind him a questioning look. "What is this guy? Some kind of Terminator?!"

"No…," Wolverine growled as his eyes had changed into a complete pitch black and reflected the soft light of the now clearly visible moon in the dark sky. "…your worst nightmare!" Before any of them could react he'd slashed at two soldiers, who instantly dropped dead to the ground, and threw himself at the next ones with a furious roar.

"Open fire!" the captain barked and began to aim his weapon at the mutant, who sliced his way through his men, being constantly hit by bullets but obviously not slowing down a bit. "Damn it," he cursed as only five were still standing and threw his gun to the ground to turn to Beast, who could only stare at the merciless berserker rage in front of him. "Give me the weapon!" the captain demanded angrily.

"But…," Storm began with an insecure look at Hank.

"Give me the darn gun!" the soldier barked again and tore it from the blue mutant furiously. Hearing the screams, which fell silent one after the next, of his men, he loaded it quickly and turned around in a rush as the loud roar was aimed at him. He saw death in front of him as the claws shot forward, but managed to shoot before his throat was cut through, accompanied by a yelp of pain that was uttered by the Wolverine as the acid-like liquid hit his waist and burned the flesh instantly away.

Heavily panting, Logan pressed his hands on the bleeding wound and looked up into the soldier's grim face with a glare, but stared also directly at the weapon that was pointed to his head. Growling and when his healing factor began to take care of the wound, Logan extracted his claws again. "Think ya can pull the trigger before I get my claws on ya, bub?" he hissed and already began to tense his muscles; preparing himself for a quick reaction. "C'mon, what are ya waitin' for?!"

Breathing in rasps while he pressed his free hand onto his throat and desperately tried to stop the blood from flowing, the captain knew this would be his last action. He'd been in battle to often to not be able to see what death was like. He used all his remaining strength to pull the trigger, as the man in front of him slashed quickly out and finished his job. Getting up when the man dropped dead to the ground, Logan glared at Beast and Storm, just to turn his head when the younger X-Men reappeared. Not caring about the two adults, he retracted his claws and walked over to them to make sure his boy was alright. Seeing it and hearing the whimpers, Storm's eyes widened. "They really have a baby…," she gasped in shock and stared at the man next to her, whose face mirrored his inner battle. "Oh my God…"

"Is he alright?" Rogue asked and looked up at Logan, who only nodded and managed to soothe the boy again.

"Peter has shielded us with his body," Kitty added and looked quickly away as she saw all the dead bodies on the ground. She noticed the look on the man's face in front of them. "I'm sorry, Logan…"

"We saw the soldier too late," Bobby said and looked down. "We only heard the shot and saw Mrs. Grey falling…"

"'s not your fault," Logan replied in a hoarse whisper. "It's mine… I failed her…" Rogue followed his gaze as he went back to Jean's body with his baby on his arms and she began to cry silently. They watched how he knelt down again and reached out to stroke over Jean's face with an indefinable look on his face. "Forgive me…," he begged barely audible and lowered his head as he heard a movement behind him.

"No!" Rogue yelled and jumped forward. "No!" He turned his head in confusion just to see how Beast held the weapon in his hand. It would have made him furious if he hadn't seen the tears in the man's eyes. "Why are you doing this?" the girl asked crying and spread her arms to protect her best friend.

"Because there is no other choice," Storm gave back and ran a hand through her face to get rid of her tears. "You know what will happen if we don't finish this…"

"But he has a baby!" Kitty also protested. "And you already killed Mrs. Grey!"

"Step aside!" Beast demanded, but the younger mutants remained where they were. "Don't you understand?" he asked them angered. "If we fail, they will arrest them, all of us. And you know what they'll do to mutants in that prison."

"But…," Rogue began as Storm cut her off.

"They will kill the students, Marie, don't you understand this?! There's no way out anymore and you know that! Why else do you think are we doing this for almost two years?! There's no other choice anymore…" Turning away from them she buried her face in her hands and dropped to the ground sobbing. "This is all my fault…"

"It is…," Bobby said darkly. "But still we won't let you kill Logan and the baby…"

"Step aside, Bobby!" Hank demanded once more.

"No!" Peter crossed his arms and shook his head.

"The time is running up! They want us to finish this until 3 a.m…" his opposite reminded him. "There's no other choice anymore!" Broken, he lowered his head.

"Step aside…"

Turning around with a frown on their faces, the younger mutants stared down on Logan, who still had his eyes fixed on Jean. "What?!" Kitty asked him perplexed.

"I said step aside," he repeated without looking up.

"But, Logan…," Rogue said and shook her head. "He will kill you…"

Nodding, he gave Beast a look. "They'll release the students if ya finish it?" Beast nodded slowly. "'kay… Do it."

"No!" Rogue protested once more and threw herself at him, crying, for protection. "Please, no…"

Looking at her, Logan shook his head. "It's okay," he tried to soothe her. "I've nothin' to lose." Seeing that she was about to say something, he handed the boy over to her after kissing him softly. "Make sure he's safe…"

"Logan…," the girl shook her head sobbing and looked down on the boy. "Please, don't… Just take him and go. No one will know…"

Shaking his head, he turned his face to look down on the woman he loved. "I've nowhere else to go," he replied calmly. "They'll find me sooner or later anyway. In that way at least Johnny's safe…" Reaching out he wiped her tears away and touched her cheek briefly. "It's the right thing… Just promise me you'll take care of him…" Letting out a loud sob she leant her head against his shoulder and pulled the baby close. "Promise me, Marie," Logan said again and made her look at him.

"Yeah…," she nodded weakly.

"Good," he said with a weak smile. "Now step aside…"

Reluctantly doing it, she slowly walked over towards Ororo with the others, where she dropped to the ground crying loudly. Seeing it, Hank's thick lump in his throat became even bigger as he approached his former teammate with the weapon in his hand. He knew what the liquid would do, that it was specifically designed for the man. Looking at Logan for a moment he shook his head crying. "I'm sorry, my boy…"

"Don't be," Logan replied. "Just mark my words. I'll never forgive ya and Storm for what you've done. Never! All we wanted was to be together and have a life and you took this from us and our kid!" Giving him a last glare he turned back to Jean and took her hand into his. "I hope ya rod in hell if you let anything happen to my kid…"

"We'll take care of him… I promise," Hank assured him before he raised the weapon slowly and Logan closed his eyes…

* * *

"So they are dead?" the president asked and put the report aside. "All of them?"

"Yes, we did as you ordered us to do," Hank, who stood in a black suit behind the desk, nodded while he had his hands crossed behind his back.

"And my men where killed by the Wolverine?" his opposite asked with a short glance at the paper in front of him and received another nod. "Then tell me where are the bodies of those mutants?"

Looking down, Hank heaved a deep breath. "After calling the base to report that we succeeded with the mission, Colonel Russell demanded that we burned both of them with the acid to get rid of their bodies…"

"And you did that?"

"Yes, sir…"

"So the acid was indeed useful against adamantium?" the president asked and leant back in his chair to look at the man in front of him. "How does it work?"

Shaking his head without looking up, Hank turned his head away. "You don't want to know, sir."

"I want to hear your opinion on it, my dear Hank. As a scientist…"

He looked up with an angry look. "I think it's barbaric…"

Nodding, the new elected President Keeler got up to take a look out of the window. "I heard something…," he began and Hank followed his movements. "…about an existing baby. What can you tell me about that, Hank?"

"That there is none, sir. The baby was hit by a bullet and we were ordered to burn all mutant bodies," Hank replied and earned a skeptical look. "It is the truth, sir. We knew that our students' lives were at stake and we did as we were ordered. Now that our students are back at school, we are done with this mission and I deeply regret that two former friends of mine had to die such a horrible death," he added and gave the man, who returned to his seat a grim look.

"It was you who'd called the authorities," the President replied and leant back again.

"I know," his opposite nodded and pulled a white envelope out of his pocket to put it onto the table. "And since I wished I hadn't, I hand in my resignation." He didn't wait for the President to say anything else and gave him a brief nod only. "Good bye, sir," he added and with that he left the oval office forever, knowing that he would never return.

Still remaining at the desk, President Keeler stared at the envelope for a moment, before he picked up the phone and dialed a number. It didn't take long and a man's voice could be heard on the other side. "It's me, John," Keeler said and picked up the report to give it a look. "Tell the director that Weapon X had been successfully eliminated. I want him to burn all files and what else you've got about him and proceed with the new weapon as planned." After he'd put down the receiver he took the report and walked over to the stove with it. Within seconds the paper began to burn and eat away what was left of the identity of two mutants and their child, wiping them off the planet…

**Okay, that was Chapter 14 and now I go on typing the Epilogue. For those of you, who haven't noticed, but John was of course John Wraith and the mentioned director is the Director of the Weapon X program. The new weapon I referred to is of course X23. ; ) Please review and I hope you guys will still read the Epilogue. ; ) See ya! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: **Hopefully the server will work soon again. Here is the Epilogue. Have fun reading it. ; ) And yes, I know, I am mean and evil. LOL Please review!!!

**BTW I just remember a review I once got in which one of you said I would never dare to kill Logan. I think I have proven with the last chapter that I can be that evil, right? ; )**

**This one was finished on last Wednesday, too. I hope the upload works now. Thanks to all reviewers so far: ) I hope you like the last bit, too. ; )**

**Love and Pain lie close together – Epilogue**

_One year later…_

Miranda Stewart looked up into the blue, cloudless sky. It was a hot day, unusually hot for this time of the year, but who would mind? The sun stood high in the sky when she crossed the street to enter the shop she's come for. She gave the man behind the counter a short smile and nod of her head, before she proceeded with the shopping. With a list in her hand she walked through the shop and put the things she came for into the basket on her left arm. She gave the man a smile and waited patiently for him to add up the goods afterwards. "Beautiful day, isn't it?" he asked her with a warm smile and she turned her head from the window back to him.

"Oh, yes, it is," she smiled back and pulled a strand from her blonde hair behind her ear. "It really is…"

"And a new face, I see." He nodded at the stroller in front of her, before he put the goods into her basket and told her the price. "Who is the young mate?" he added with a smile at the boy, who looked curiously back at him.

Miranda put the money onto the counter. "Oh, his name's Johnny," she replied and gave the boy a smile when this one turned his head.

"G'Day, mate," the old man greeted him. "You're watching over him?"

Her smile weakened. "No, he lived with my mother and me. He's an orphan," she replied with a look at the boy. "He stays with us until a new family's found for him."

"Poor, mate…," he said with a sad look on his face. "So young and already such a great loss. Do you know what happened to his parents?"

She took her basket again. "They said they died in an accident a year ago."

"Poor boy." He leant a bit over the counter when the boy looked up again. "Then let's hope they find a nice family for you, mate."

"Yes," she nodded and nodded thankfully as he held the door open for her. "Thanks. G'day!" With the bus she went back to the coast and walked the rest of the way to the few white houses with small gardens in front of them. She passed some, greeted ifs he met a familiar face and noticed again how hot it actually was. She couldn't wait to get back home and drink something very, very cold. She stopped in front of one white house, which had a dark blue roof and pushed the stroller up the entrance. Miranda smiled down on the boy and couldn't help but feel sad again. She felt sorry for the boy and wondered once more who his parents had been. If she was superstitious, she would believe that this one tragic incident could only mean more bad luck. She hoped he would soon come into a nice family with parents who would love him and provide him with a happy life. Thinking about it made her sad, since she was aware that she wouldn't see him again if this was the case. She wished she was old enough already to adopt him on her own…

After she'd finally found the key in the basket, she opened the heavy white door and entered the friendly looking house. "Someone home?" Miranda called up the stairs and waited for a reply. "Not as it seems…" She took the basket and walked down the small corridor with the light parquet towards the huge white kitchen. With one hand she opened the silver fridge and began to fill it again, as she suddenly heard a weak, scratching noise. It didn't take long and she felt something hairy on her legs. "Hey, Cap," she greeted the husky and patted his head, while the dog wagged its tail happily and hoped she'd brought something with her that was for him and for him only. "Sorry, mate. Nothing that you like," she smiled with a shrug and Cap tilted his head, hoping that she joked and would throw a nice looking beef into his direction next. "…or better said, you like but I won't give it to you, mate." As an answer he barked and disappeared. It was then that she noticed she wasn't as alone as she's thought. "Oh, I thought you were still at work," Miranda said and closed the fridge. "You're home early. I got everything that was on the list."

"Thanks. Did he behave?"

She smiled at the boy and took the basket from the counter again. "Yes. He always is a darling."

"Good to hear that. There's an iced tea for ya in the fridge."

"It's really a hot day, isn't it?" Miranda asked and took a large gulp, releasing a satisfied sigh. "God, this saved my life…," she gasped and earned a smile. "Thank you."

"Thank you for watchin' him and fillin' the fridge."

She waved off and walked back to the door. "No problem. It's holidays, so I've plenty of time." She opened the door and gasped as the hot air hit her. "Jesus…" Again she ran a hand through her face and blinked against the sun. "Oh, it was correct that I took the money from the counter before I left, right?" she asked as she remembered it.

"Yeah, the rest is for you."

"This isn't necessary," she protested but knew it was useless to do so. "Thank you." Blushing a bit she gave a shy smile and patted Cap's head, before she took the boy out of the stroller.

"G'day, kid."

She turned around as she's reached the end of the entrance and smiled. "G'day, Mr. Logan! See you on Friday then." Miranda smiled once more before she turned around and went back home across the street with the boy on her arms, not knowing that today was the last day she'd with him. She began to frown as she saw the unfamiliar car in front of her home and instantly knew what it meant. With a heavy heart she looked down on the blonde Johnny, who stared back up with his blue eyes…

"And? Had fun with your namesake?" Logan asked after closing the door and kissed his son on the cheek. Followed by Cap he walked back into the kitchen as Johnny gave a protesting sound and stretched his arms. "I know you're hungry, bub," he smirked and put him into the highchair at the window, before he began to prepare a bottle and something to eat. Logan leant against the large window while he watched him drinking and turned his head to look out of it. He could clearly hear the sound of the waves of the Pacific, saw some birds flying in the clear blue sky and some people taking a walk through the light sand of the beach. Hearing a bark, he reached out to open the backdoor and Cap took his chance to run off and into the cool water of the sea. Smirking weakly, Logan turned his head back to his son, who still sucked eagerly on his bottle. "Someone's not really thirsty, huh?" he asked and earned a look from the boy with the unruly dark hair and green eyes. Seeing them, he looked away to the sea again. Everyday he wished she could see this. He was convinced that she would have loved it. For his liking it was way too hot, especially since he was used to the cold Canadian mountains, but thinking about the other continent made him realize again how much he hated his old home. Never ever did he intend to return to it and if it was only for a minute. This chapter in his life had been closed the day he'd arrived in Madripoor. Logan still thanked his friends there that they'd taken care of his finances so well. It had made everything way easier to buy himself into his new home ad start a new life. For others it seemed as if he's always been here, if not his accent was sometimes coming through too much.

On the search for a new home, he'd thought about what she would have liked and had come to the conclusion that she'd have probably wanted to live on the coast with a good view on the Pacific. He wished she could see the sunset in the evening and sit with him in the sand to watch it. Finding work hadn't been very hard for him and with the help of Miranda, he could work for a few hours, three days a week in a garage not far from his house to earn a bit of money, even if he still had enough from his savings. Logan could honestly say that he loved his new life, if there wasn't this large and still painful gap he always felt when the night came. He couldn't express in words how much he missed her. That he waited every day for her to return. At least he hoped she would. Wanting to believe it, he'd also gotten a valid new ID for her. Without her, his new life, as good as it was, meant nothing to him. Sighing, Logan ran a hand through his face and whistled to call Cap back. It was still a miracle to him that the shop he'd walked past one day, had one husky only in the whole bunch of little puppies. But as soon as he'd seen him, he knew it was his. Cap reminded him of the wolves they had seen from time to time at the cabin and he knew she would have fallen instantly in love with the former little puppy, too.

"Ready, ya lil' ankle biter?" Logan asked as Johnny let out a loud satisfied sigh and dropped the bottle. Looking at it, his father cocked an eyebrow at him. "Empty?!" he asked and pulled the boy up. "Ya know, kiddo, what some gluttonous animals are called?" Leaning back against the window he gave him a look. "Wolverine's, bub. And if ya go on eatin' like that I can soon roll ya around." He placed a kiss on the boy's cheek and looked at Cap, who was finally running back through the sand. When Logan saw how pieces of it rose into the air just to fall down again, he asked himself what they'd done with her? He still remembered too well how Beast had pointed the weapon at him, his eyes full of regret and had promised to take care of the baby. Logan had knelt down next to her body and stared down on it, had waited for the man to just fire the weapon, as this one had suddenly knelt down next to him and had handed him the baby with the advise to run and hide for a few days. He'd said they would take care of everything. He still didn't know what they'd probably done, but in Madripoor he'd been told that he was now officially dead in America and Canada. He hoped they'd buried her, given her the last respect she'd deserved despite their previous hostility. Thinking about it, he was convinced they hadn't, but had made use of the acid to cover the traces to give him a chance to run away. He was sure that they'd burned her and at least one of the soldiers to fake his death, too.

And again this was something he hated. Without a grave, Logan couldn't go anywhere to be with her, talk to her or feel her presence. All he had was the memory of his time with her, the good and the bad, the very happy ones… But those were only memories, bodiless, not living, only movies that played within his head over and over again. At night he dreamed about her. How they'd met for the first time, their stolen kiss, how she'd died twice, her return and their time at the cabin. And especially the moment Johnny was born. He hadn't even pictures to look at, only his dead memories. Logan closed the backdoor and gave Cap a glare, since the dog had brought mud back within. "I just cleaned everythin', bub," he growled and turned back to the boy as the sun began to disappear on the horizon. "Time for lil' kiddos to go to bed, eh?" After pulling the boy close, who leant against his chest and held onto his blue shirt, Logan locked the backdoor, left the kitchen, did the same with the front door and switched the lights off, before he ascended the stairs. Upstairs, he entered Johnny's friendly looking, in blue and yellow painted room, to prepare him for bed. As usual he remained a little longer in the side of the white bed to look at him, still feeling the same as he'd done after the boy had been born. Logan still thought of him as gorgeous, his one and only and was as proud as a father could possibly be.

Touching the cheek of the now sleeping boy, he managed to give him a weak smile. "I wish mommy could see ya," he whispered before he shoved Cap out of the room to enter the bedroom and laid down in the dark with his arms crossed behind his hand. He knew what would follow now. First, he'd lay awake for endless hours, not able to think of anything else but her, then he would start blaming himself again for his failure to protect her, before he would finally find sleep for a few hours. But still then she haunted him and reminded him of their happy time together and what they'd actually planned for their future. Logan raised his left hand to look at the silver ring that he still wore, it's counterpart handing on a necklace around his neck, and began to wonder that if they'd made it out of there together, if they'd been married by now. He was convinced that they'd have married in the small church at the end of the street and couldn't help but imagining how beautiful she would have looked.

Sighing, Logan sat up and ran both hands through his face, knowing that he wouldn't find any sleep and left the house to take a walk in the dark on the beach. But even there, with the calming sound of the soft waves, his inner turmoil couldn't find any peace at all. After an hour he finally gave up and went back inside to go to bed again and wait for oblivion to catch up with him. Before he closed his eyes, he made sure that the door to his room was open for Cap and in case Johnny began to cry; knowing full well what kind of Hell Gate the dog could open if he couldn't get inside.

Turning around to sleep on his right side, Logan pulled the pillow closer and tried to find any rest at all. When the bed moved slightly and someone laid down at his feet, he let out a sigh. "You never learn, do ya?" he asked his dog sleepily and opened his eyes briefly again, just to close them with a peaceful and happy smile on his lips, as an arm wrapped around his waist from behind and a slim, warm body cuddled up to him. "Was about time…," Logan whispered and turned around to pull the smiling and crying redhead into a desperate and passionate kiss, before he held her as close as possible and finally found peace after a year of waiting…

**That's it. I'm done. : ) I intended to lead you into a complete wrong way and hoped that I succeeded. Of course I have proven again that I could never kill Logan, so, well…I hope that I reached my aim to make you guys at least believe it. ; ) After some of you requested that I wrote more after posting the first chapter I have to admit that I came immediately up with this story of being on the run. Also the baby was planned from the beginning and that both would be caught. Also the faked death of Logan and the return of Jean. From the beginning I also had this picture of him laying in bed in mind when she suddenly laid down behind him. **

**Well, I hope you guys enjoyed reading and that I can somehow come up with something good on Changes again, since the story really gives me a headache. : ( I also have the storyline for the Return to Weapon X sequel pre-written and the first three pages, but since I also have three other ideas, I am currently deciding on which one to work next.**

**It would be fun if you guys just told me what you would like to read from me, so that I can just type it. LOL Just let me know. ; ) Please review and I hope to see you guys on the next Changes chapter (which will hopefully be finished soon). See ya!!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Just a quick note: Since some of you wanted it, I wrote a sequel which I posted here, too. Hope you guys like it, too and will review! ; ) See ya!**

**The Sequel is called: Love and Pain Sequel - Oz**


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